The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

Donald Trump Having Coyotes Explained to Him

(Interior, Oval Office)

Trump: Someone get in here. SOMEONE. SOMEONE. SOMEONE.
White Personnel: Sir? What’s the matter?
Trump: I just heard on the news that coyotes are smuggling people into the United States?
WHP: Yes, sir, that’s true. That’s why we need that wall.
Trump: What’s the biggest enemy of the coyote?
WHP: Uh … good law enforcement, sir?
Trump: Road runners. Road runners are smarter than coyotes every time.
WHP: Ah, uh … sir …
Trump: Do our border patrol people have road runners working for them?
WHP: Well, sir …
Trump: SHAM! FALSE! We need road runners and we NEED THEM now.
WHP: Sir a coyote is a word for a person, it’s not an actual coyote. It’s a word for a person who smuggles people.
Trump: (sighs heavily) You’re fired. You can’t tell me we don’t need road runners. SOMEONE. SOMEONE. SOMEONE. SOMEONE.
Second WHP: Sir? Is there a problem?
Trump: First, Tod’s been fired. Second, get me the best road runner trainer in the United States. I’ll start searching YouTube.
Second WHP: Of course, sir.

Two aides leave.

(Exterior, Oval Office)

Second WHP: Fired again, Jennifer?
WHP: Yeah, fourth time today.
Second WHP: So … road runner trainer?
WHP: Yeah, he’s basing a decision on old cartoons again … ‘coyotes’ …
Second WHP: Ohhhh. Oh. Oh my God. He doesn’t cease to amaze, huh?

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Do You Need New Dishes?

Coming up soon is the Superbowl, a football game played between the winner of the AFC playoff bracket and the NFC playoff bracket. It’s a big deal to some.

Here’s where that comes in handy for you, my dish-needing friend.

Invite a bunch of people over for the Superbowl, but maybe limit the guest list to friends you have who you think have good taste. Tell everyone you’ll provide the drinks and some entree type items, but everyone needs to bring a bowl with a dip and whatever food goes in the dip. Easy, fun, delightful. Win, win, win.

Everyone comes over, the game’s on, then it’s halftime and everyone has to pay attention to that, and then … the game comes back on. Everyone is engaged but it’s a bit of a lull as far as focus is concerned. Everyone has done their catching up, the game has been on a bit, no one is THAT focused on anything and here’s when you strike.

“Hey guys, if we had a super … BOWL party here … like, picking the best bowl, not the food in it but like the dish itself … who would win?”

Now, most people in the room are going to look at you like you’re an idiot or just plain old annoying. But two, three, or maybe even four people are going to say, ‘hmm’ and really look at those bowls.

You should go shop for your new dishes with one of those people.

ceramic bowl with cereals

Photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com

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Let There Be ART!

Our new daycare routine involves picking up our son’s ‘art’ at the end of the week. I apologize, kiddo, for calling it ‘art’ and not art. Who am I to know? Who am I to judge?

I’ll give you a sample.

img_20190117_170652876

There. Judge me for calling it ‘art’ but I will tell you that this was him drawing a penguin. So … you know.

BUT! Wait!

You bring up the fact that babies brains work sort of like they’re on LSD (it’s pretty nuts!). Ok, sure, good point. You cite this article and you mention how, apparently, when you’re on LSD or a baby the brain works differently. Normally the ‘brain works on independent networks performing separate functions such as vision, movement and hearing, under LSD the separateness of these networks breaks down, leading to a more unified system.’

Ok, ok. Fine. Maybe my son is actually a great artist and babies see penguins in a way us average joes won’t. Maybe this is a perfect rendering of an LSD penguin. I really couldn’t tell you.

But you know what. Yeah. Sure. I’ve come around to your side. Why not? My son’s a genius artist. That is EXACTLY what an LSD penguin looks like.

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