The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

The Downside of Better Video Games

In the video game FIFA 14 you can choose to create a player and play through the career of that one person. This can lead to upgrading your rating as you get accomplishments, and playing for different teams if you prove yourself ready to play at higher or lower levels.

In other words, the game is tracking your stats to decide how to rank you and move you. Pretty neat.

What would not be neat is if the game got really good at this.

When playing the game I take turns between two skill levels: one offers a challenge where I have to play intelligently, my team could win or lose, and I will score a goal if I’m lucky/play really well. Also my rating (you are rated each match) is so-so. To offset this and advance my player I also play at an easier level in order to get more accomplishments, advancing my player faster and also, obviously, it’s just fun to score. In those matches I’m rated very highly.

Here’s what a write-up of my player might look like if the game got to the point where it had built in the ability to track trends in your play. (FYI: my character’s nickname is Slinky because it’s an old soccer nickname of mine.)

“Slinky is a decent player. He ranges from slightly below average to amazing, seemingly game to game.

“Some days he arrives and the game starts with him calling for the ball and he persists in calling for the ball without once distributing it, seemingly, until he has a hat trick. It is some of the most selfish play one could ever witness, and yet it works. Disturbingly, even after scoring multiple goals he seems to avoid passing to a specific teammate (it should be noted that this player is second on the team stat sheet for goals scored, first in assists). On some of these games he will take shot after shot that is nearly impossible – with his weak foot, from outside the box. It makes no sense.

“I would kick him off the team except he really can score at will. With enough time and chances he WILL score multiple goals, embarrassing the opponent. It is almost as if everyone around him is an amateur compared to his professional status.

“Then, on the ‘off’ days, Slinky is a good teammate, making runs, distributing the ball, coming back to help on defense. He does everything he should … But honestly, I’d prefer the selfish a-hole version who scores 4 times per game.

“It should be noted several teammates, independent of each other, have made attempts on his life.

“I think he deserves a raise.”

Celebrity Costume Getup Advice!

What is it, Monday? Ok, great.

Heya folks – it’s MONDAY! And you know what that means – it’s time to dress up as your favorite celebrity! Here to help you, it’s … me! With Impromptu Celebrity Costume Getup Advice! Let’s get to it, shall we?

 

Jon Hamm

This could be you.

You take a plain white t-shirt and write, “hi my name is Jon.” Do NOT include an H. This will RUIN the costume.

Then you take a pig snout nose thing, you probably already own a couple, and wear that.

That’s it. You’re Jon Hamm.

 

Jimmy Fallon

 You take a plain white t-shirt and write, “hi my name is Jimmy.” Not JIM. And don’t re-use your t-shirt from last year when you were Jon.

Then you get a prison uniform and wear that. You’re Jimmy Felon. Fallon. Close enough.

 

Jerry Seinfeld

Hey look at you, mr funny guy.

Get your custom-tailored lederhosen or dirndl (the lady lederhosen) and throw that puppy on. Oh and brush up on your German accent.

Then (obviously), you want to get out a plain white t-shirt and draw a picture of a road sign being knocked over. Throw that t-shirt on and … who are you?

You’re Jerry Sign Felled. Jerry Seinfeld everyone!

 

From my heart to yours, happy random January day costume party everyone!

Changes Afoot

The countdown until my wedding is really on, with the big day being less than one month away. What are some of the big changes that are coming my way?

  • Hair, hair, everywhere – my fiancé has long hair AND a dog … Hello, lint rollers
  • You know that thing where you walk around talking to yourself doing different voices because you want to see what sort of weird voices/impressions you can do? With a roommate (the wifey poo) that might now draw more questions
  • My homestead will feature Legos and Steve Martin less noticeably, instead replaced by … I don’t know, whatever boring stuff “grown-ups” have in their homes
  • Someone will notice just how much ice cream and chocolate covered raisins I consume (really, it’ll be the first time someone notices because I just eat those things – I don’t know what’s happening)
  • The Zombino will have to move out (more on this later, I know I have done a poor job of keeping people up to date on his happenings so I will catch everyone up at some point!)
  • Oh yeah and being married will be a change too