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Archive for the ‘My Zombie Roomy’ Category

My Zombie Roomy (12/20/11)

I racked my brain quite a bit about a gift for the Zombie. It’s incredibly tough.

First of all – communication with this fella is, to say the least, sparse.

Sure, the obvious thing would be to get him brains but … I don’t really like to go for the obvious gift. For tough gift-receivers I will … and this one is a tough one. But here’s trouble numero dos, where do I get brains?

Moving past obvious then … onto weird, but fun. The Zombie is one hard dude to read. Did he like that song? When it was playing he scratched his hand and a finger looked like it almost fell off. Then he chuckled, licked his finger and starting gnawing on my copy of Game of Thrones. From what I can tell he is completely content in any situation.

Bah!

Anyway … whatever, I ended up with a grab bag of gifts. Here we go:

  • Duct tape (if a body part falls off, he’s covered)
  • A new, used copy of a Terry Brooks book (you’d think I was crazy but I swear he only gnaws on fantasy-based books)
  • A framed picture of Scarlett Johansson (it’s a gift for both he and I)
  • I bought some old clothes that in my opinion smell like death – thought it might be like a sort of potpourri for him

Hope he likes something in this set? Let me know if you think of something to add last minute!

P.S. I googled “Scarlett Johansson where she doesn’t look hot” and Google’s response was to play a laugh track … weird!

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My Zombie Roomy (12/15/11)

Here’s an assumption I feel comfortable making – zombies don’t buy people Christmas gifts. Heck, I’d even assume zombies don’t buy other zombies Christmas gifts. It just doesn’t jive.

You’re with me on this assumption, right? Of course.

But then …

But then I come in my apartment, I go to wash laundry, and like my mom the whole month of December the Zombie quickly slammed the door, grabbed a bag, held it like it was a prized possession, gave me a dirty look and sprinted from the room.

Only with mom I always thought, “Christmas gift!,” I never thought, “Christmas gift! … Or dead body parts … Hmm.”

Either way I guess I’ll get the Zombie something. Any ideas on what? I’m going to keep thinking, maybe check out the mall this weekend. If nothing else I may just give the Zombie my permission to go eat a few bratty kids at the mall. (Tis the season?)

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My Zombie Roomy (11/17/11)

Well, Halloween has past.

Something happened on the Sunday before Halloween which I have been dealing with the past few weeks.

I tried dealing with it in a lot of ways. Acceptance, tribute, sadness, guilt. But ultimately denial and alcohol seemed to be most appropriate.

There was a girl I liked. She was very leggy. And very vavoom. How vavoom you ask? She went as Jessica Rabbit. THAT vavoom.

I was trying to charm her with my utter lack of charm (my non-game game as a friend put it), when suddenly she seemed distracted. Someone else in the bar had caught her eye. I knew I was cooked, and I’m a proud guy, so I politely ended our conversation.

Later that night, I saw her in the parking lot trying to flirt with the Zombie. I guess she goes more for the silent type (which I am most definitely not).

This is still a little harsh. It’s not easy to swallow being passed up for an undead cannibal. But hey, everybody finds somebody sometime, right Dino?

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