The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

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Talking About My Neighbors Like They’re Movies

Neighbors, huh? They’re all over the place these days – and that can be a good or bad thing. Since leaving college I haven’t really befriended any of my neighbors. I say hello and such, but I don’t really interact with them.

I do notice them though, and judge them from a distance.

Missing: Father, Found: Dog

Julia knew she wasn’t ready for a dog, but not being ready for something big in her life hadn’t stopped her before … and that turned out to be the most beautiful decision of her life, Lucy. With such love, why are Julia and Lucy fighting so much? Missing: Father, Found: Dog is the beautiful coming of age story of Lucy, who has to deal with high school, boys, her mom’s overbearing self, and the fact that her dog just pooped on the sidewalk.

Will puppy love restore lost mother-daughter bonds, or will the new pooch rip holes in their relationship, like she did in the curtains.

It’s a heartfelt roller coaster that’ll have you reaching for tissues, and hugs. I’d see it again, but only after I stop by the SPCA.

Miss Wynter

“Four years. Four years.” That’s Miss Wynter’s mantra. It’s four years until she can retire from teaching those bratty, smelly, germ-infested punks other people refer to as fifth graders.

She hadn’t always been this way, as Miss Wynter puts it, “I used to be young, and stupid. Now I’m old, and it’s 3:22 so I’m going home.”

In this dark comedy watch as Miss Wynter takes care of her lawn, and neglects the kids. It’s fun for the family! Assuming you hate your kids.

Medical Gloves

Apples, bananas, cereal, oatmeal, pasta, pasta sauce, orange juice, toothpaste. Hank’s grocery list read like anyone else’s. Although he always left off one item. He left it off because he knew he was going to buy it.

Latex gloves. Medical gloves. Those “powder free” blue ones. “Natural” Latex gloves. Each store had a different take on them, and he knew them all. He was smart. He never bought from the same store twice in a row. It might raise questions.

Hank didn’t like questions.

When Hank’s neighbor walked by and gave a questioning glance at Hank cleaning his car with a pair of his gloves, Hank didn’t like that. He thought the neighbor might start asking questions.

Hank decided to be proactive this time. He preferred it when he was being proactive.

Hank will do … anything … to stop questions.

(Seriously one of my neighbors cleans his car, his crappy old car, with latex gloves. It’s very off-putting. Also, he drives really slowly. This doesn’t mean anything, it’s just annoying if we’re leaving the apartment complex at the same time.)

Diversity

Today is Sunday, May 6th, and I was texting with Airplanes and Rainbow Speak to see if they’d like to have lunch. Lunch didn’t pan out, but I was amused at how different our Sundays were going.

 

Airplanes – Watching Oprah (“Aw, I miss her” she said to me) and eating soup.

Juicebox – Playing soccer. Go Juicebox!!

Rainbow Speak – Watching Parks and Rec, with plans to read some Plato a little later.

Myself – Watching ‘Whitest Kids U Know” and eating fast food.

 

It was the difference between Airplanes and I that really made me laugh. When I texted Rainbow Speak I was really hoping he’d be up to something completely different as well, but his and I plans were pretty similar. My hope was his text was a lie, and that he’s actually building a paper-mache unicorn farm right now.

 

In case you were curious, this may very well be my most boring post ever. You’re welcome.

MS150 Predictions – Day 2

For day two there are two different routes. One is 77 miles, one is 66. The 76 mile one is supposedly prettier, but hilly. The 66 mile (I have been told) is windier. 

That’s how I picture hills going …

Now for day two predictions for what I’ll be thinking at various mile-markers …

Mile 1 – Oh gosh I am in pain. My sad, sad tushy.

Mile 2- Maybe I should’ve listened to those people who told me I should buy butt cream … but could I ever really buy that?

Mile 7 – Ok. Feeling better. A bit warmed up.

Mile 13 (for this I’ll assume Rainbow Speak and I will be stupid and do the hillier, more challenging ride) – AHHHHHHH!

Mile 14 – Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

Mile 14.2 – AHHHHHHHHHH!

Mile 14.3 – Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

Mile 20 – What’s the perfect song to play when all you want to do is lay down, curl up in a ball, cry a little … oh and eat ice cream.

Mile 21 – Oh, duh, THIS SONG.

Mile 30 – I’ve biked over 100 miles! Holy cow! That’s … well … I don’t know what that is. Weird, I guess.

Mile 37 – Could I be any whiter? My name is Brad. I am biking a crapton of miles. I’m wearing a brightly colored jersey and I’ve said “neat!” at least ten times today.

Mile 44 – About thirty miles to go … come onnnnnnn.

Mile 51 – Oh man I am going to sleep so well on the bus ride home.

Mile 52 – Huh. Maybe I should’ve bought a nicer bike.

Mile 59 – Wait how did that child just pass me! That is upsetting. You’re two feet tall! You should be home playing video games you little jerk.

Mile 67 – Hi everyone, this is your captain speaking … on your left you can see some stupid trees and on your right some more hated trees. Oh and have I mentioned I’m SICK OF THIS.

Mile 71 – Is that some of downtown Austin or did a really cool shaped bug just die on my shades?

Mile 75 – Ooh that chick is hot.

Mile 77 – Well well well … I did it … Now someone please just take me to my couch.