The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Attn: Ellen (2/25/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

We’re back! Where were we? And what do I mean by we? Are you assuming I have gone crazy? (An assumption backed by my writing on slanted lines?) Do I now only talk in the form of questions? All these questions, and more, will be answered in the coming weeks when I share highlights of my wife and I’s (that’s the we) trip (honeymoon) to India! (That’s the where.)

So get excited, Ellen, ol’ buddy, ol’ pal!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Home Again!

The wife and I are back from our honeymoon in India! Since we have returned we have eaten …

  • Burgers for dinner
  • Cereal and doughnuts for breakfast
  • Taco Bell/Pizza Hut for lunch
  • Dinner tonight will be ice cream and cheese/sausage/crackers
photo 3

This, this is a picture of the sweet sight of America.

 

 

Was That You?

The area where my work is located is also great for jogging. It’s a suburb of Houston that has a lot of sidewalks and you can map out a bunch of different routes for different mileage. Plus, since I lived near work for so long, jogging around that area makes perfect sense.

Except.

Except for the occasional honk from a co-worker driving by. But wait, you might think, isn’t that nice? A little cheer from a co-worker? Yes, you’re right, it is nice.

But.

But what if at that moment I’m doing something I’d rather a co-worker didn’t see?

  1. Getting angry at a car waiting for a light to turn green that has pulled up onto the walkway. (Darn you.)
  2. Getting angry at a car inching forward to turn right on red while only looking left (meanwhile I am to the driver’s right hoping he/she sees me and trying to determine what to do).
  3. Musical butt (sorry … but it’s true)
  4. The runner’s nose blow (where you use a finger to plug one nostril, then just BLOW from the other nostril and whala, nasal passage re-enabled!)
  5. That time I grew out my Abraham Lincoln/Amish facial hair and ran shirtless during the summer (6’3 of skinny whiteness with a thick tuft of neck beard … blech) (Thankfully this is not a current scene that can be witnessed, but I do can still easily look like a nut while running – as seen here)

 

Thank you for supporting your local jogging enthusiasts while they are out doing their thing, just please wipe the memory from your mind if I look crazy/mean/smelly.