The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Attn: Ellen (5/21/14)

Front

Ellen171a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen171b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

While some may see this as kitschy romance, I choose to see it as a threat.

‘My dearest,

You neglected to tell me your parents would be visiting while you are on business travel. Hmm.

Love stinks,
The spouse’

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Normal Walk Out Song

Fairly High Pressure Situation (let’s say 2 outs, runner in scoring position)

HIGH PRESSURE – Bottom of the 9th, 2 outs, down by 1 run!

If the Pitcher or Opposing Coach is Named Dave

I would be such a great baseball player for the fans, but AWFUL for the team.

Three Wishes

Ok, ok, let me think. I wish I knew what to wish for.

Ok genie, I didn’t like that. Who are YOU to tell ME what to do about being careful with how I phrase things!? I’m pretty sure YOU aren’t the one with the power to command me what to do. So take a seat genie, because honestly, I just wish you’d shut up.

Oh great, now you’re making some dumb face at me genie? Really? You’re going to just sit there, making dumb faces after telling me what to do? You’re worse than … No, no, there’s only one person worse than you. My step mom’s hairdresser. Yeah, you wouldn’t think I know this person so well that I can promise without a doubt that she is the most annoying person on Earth but I have spent that much time with her … and she is … I just wish she was here right now so you could meet her.

…Well, shoot.