The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Fortunes:

  • Shhhh. This moment is for us.
  • Fortune will smile on you. Like a baby’s smile. Yeah, a gassy baby’s smile.
  • You smell really good when you think you’re alone.
  • Dale! It was Dale!? That is classic.
  • NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN YOU JUST ATE MY HOME!
  • Am I the only one who is concerned that Mickey Mouse is an axe murderer? We can’t just let him … sweep … that murder under the rug.

Ok, well, that’s all I’ve got! Come back later when my future self is more ambitious than my present self and actually makes some fortune cookies! I will record the endeavor and put the shenanigans on the internet!

Fortune Cookies

One of these days I’m going to make some fortune cookies, and you can bet your fortune cookie loving tushy that the fortunes will be fantastic.

Here, try a few (of the fortunes, not the cookies! you silly goose!):

(Seriously, how could you try the cookies? Do you not understand the Internet?):

(I know I was making a joke as though you could try the cookies but you can’t, ok?, please, let’s just move on and get to the post):

(I’m not even sure I want to blog at this point. You keep bothering me about the fortunes and it’s beginning to upset me.):

(You know what? Yeah, maybe it is writer’s block. And maybe I wish it was an actual block so I could throw it at you because SHUSH with the cookie talk already!!):

(I’m sorry, I don’t want to throw a block at you. I take that back.):

(But hey, what if the block was made out of cookie dough! Haha oh boy, what a wild ride we’ve had):

…Let’s try this again tomorrow, eh friends?

Attn: Ellen (5/8/13)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres Count Dracula

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I have (knock on wood) one final to go before my Master’s is done! That means this week I need to buckle down and study … OR … Think about my graduation gift I’ll buy myself! What will it be? Legos? An XBox 360? Something indicative of my age?

Only time will tell!!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?