DumbFunnery

“Hi, welcome to McMurphy’s!”

“Hi, thank you.”

“Let me know if I can help you, Mr. Kent.”

“Oh! … Sure … How … uh … How did you know my name?”

“Well … You came in here yesterday … And you bought some clothes … Kent, right? Clark Kent?”

“Yes … Yes … That’s my name … Quite the average name, huh?”

“Um … Sure …”

“Say, do you have any of this size shirt, but in white?”

“Um … Yeah … Here let me look in the back for you …”

“Thanks!”

“…Um … Yeah … We have one …”

“What’s that? It’s hard to hear you when you’re speaking to me from the stock room? I have such normal hearing! Ha!”

“Um … Yeah … Sorry … So … I said … We have one …”

“Great!”

“But it’s pretty expensive. More expensive than the brand you usually buy.”

“Oh … Gosh … Money is pretty tight …”

“I can imagine.”

“What do you mean by that? I have a regular job that any human could have.”

“Um … Well … I meant because uh … Well … Remember yesterday when you were in here … And you bought a new pair of slacks, a tie and a nice shirt?”

“Why, yes, I do remember that.”

“Well … Uh … Then you said you wanted to wear them out?”

“Yes … Perfectly normal. I had a meeting.”

“Right! Yeah! Of course but uh … Well … I found your new clothes … Plus the clothes you’d worn in … umm … In a phone booth … That one … Right there … It’s right outside the door to our store … Like ten feet from where I’m standing.”

“Oh …”

“So uh … I mean you come in here … a lot … And you always buy … Pretty much the same exact thing … And you say you’ve got a regular job …”

“Yes! I’m a reporter! Quite normal!”

“Yeah! No! I completely agree! It’s just uh … Well anyway, I went outside and grabbed all the clothes once I’d noticed you’d ah … misplaced them … And so here they are … Since it’s probably pretty expensive buying new clothes all the time …”

“Oh! How kind of you! Thank you, citizen!”

“And uh … I’ve got a cousin who’s a cop and … Well the cops find … Probably at least twice a day … Um … Clothes … Like the ones you buy here … That … Happen to match what you’re wearing now …”

“Oh! As a journalist … I should investigate this …”

“Yeah, right! Of course! I figured … So my cousin brought all the clothes here in these trash bags … If you want them … For your uh … article …”

“Yes, thank you!”