The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Animal Facts! (Tiger, Dog, Polar Bear, Seahorse)

November 13, 2009

Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!

Tiger

TigerLove Chinese food, hate Chinese people.

Get cold much quicker than you’d think.

Favorite phrase is, “great, I’ll be on the phone with my broker.”

You’d think gay, but actually just very effeminate.

Dry hump like a champ.

Dog

Dog

Know a guy who can get you things. You need things? This guy can get you things.

Doesn’t care much for NFL, but strangely hates the Denver Broncos.

Got a grant in college to study the top quark.

Majored in psych because that’s what mom wanted.

Believe in a thing called love.

Polar Bear

Polar BearCan’t commit to anything.

Sell sea shells by the sea shore.

Are, aren’t they?

Try to make friends by buying people gifts. It never works out well in the end.

Love cleavage.

Seahorse

Seahorse

Dresses kind of slutty.

Says he ‘loves’ everything. “Oh, I love those shoes!” “I love that tree!” “I love that river!” Honestly, who loves that river.

Says ‘fustrated’ instead of ‘frustrated.’

Went through an awkward phase in high school – can not WAIT for the 10 year anniversary.

The unluckiest traveler you’ll ever meet.

Category:

Animal Facts

Leave a comment

Tagged with:

De Jour of the Week (11/9/09)

November 9, 2009

11/9/09

After writing this I took a nap.

An Ode to Naps

It’s Sunday and I’ve just eaten

My team just played, and were badly beaten.

I think you know what I’m getting at –

It’s time to take the example of my sage cat.

A yawn, a stretch, and a sleepy grin,

On my couch I’m nicely tucked in.

I close my eyes and I’m in another place

My thoughts slow to a crawling pace.

That food I ate was heavy, just like my eyes,

And then I’m asleep, which should be no surpri-zzzzz …

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

2 Comments

Tagged with:

Weekly Wacko (1)

November 5, 2009

10/30/09

The bathroom is, generally speaking, not hysterical. This is exactly why I was laughing so hard.

I went up to a urinal and I was the only person in the bathroom. I was talking to myself in my head and began to make fun of myself. One of the things I said caught even me off guard (tricky, but it happens) and I smirked about it.

I realized it would look very odd if someone walked in right at that moment. Me, smirking, standing at the urinal.

This made me grin.

I couldn’t shake it. When I went to wash my hands I saw myself in the mirror and starting laughing even harder – not good. I couldn’t stop picturing someone walking in and seeing me, by myself in the bathroom, cheesing it big time.

I didn’t have to picture it very long – because someone walked in right when I was leaving.

Thinking quickly, I played the part of a guy who couldn’t be happier to have his bladder relieved and I said, “phew” (while still cracking up).

I can’t guarantee it, but I’m pretty sure I’m the smoothest guy who ever lived.

Category:

Weekly Wacko

Leave a comment

Tagged with: