The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘animals’

God Speed Ned Berderdle

Ned Berderdle
Was a tranquil turtle
He lived a bucolic life
Absent of strife
His life changed one morning
Without notice or warning

A young boy named Buck
Was out and about, running amuck
Buck was full of adventure and joy
And saw Ned as his newest toy
“I shall name you Ned Berderdle!”
Buck now had himself a pet turtle

Some grass, sticks, and a glass cage
Look in Ned’s turtle eyes, you’ll see turtle rage
Away from his fields, his creeks, his pasture
Ned had to get out, of this he was sure
Looking around Buck’s room, Ned felt delight
Future friends and allies filled his sight

Wesley Daniel the brittany spaniel
Allister Beal the cockatiel
Vincenzo Stupenzo Wog the frog
And Rod, just plain Rod, the wonder cod

“Gents,” Ned Berderdle said with a  nod
“New guy,” a smirk and a wink from the wonder cod

“You don’t know me, I’m Ned Berderdle.
“I’m a nice guy, a quiet guy, a simple turtle.
“I love the outdoors and living life free
“And what I’d like, no, love, is for you to help me.
“I don’t know yet how I’ll repay all of you
“But I will, if it’s the last thing I do.”
Ned stopped, a light suddenly clicking on
“WE COULD ALL ESCAPE! WE COULD ALL GET GONE!”

Rod, you remember him, the wonder cod?
He did not hesitate, neither hemmed nor hawed,
“But don’t you see, I’m a FISH
“Better here than on someone’s dish.”
While odd, and macabre,
Ned had to admit, he was a shrewd cod
“But,” Rod continued after his pause
“A jailbreak is always a worthwhile cause.”

Quotes of the Day!

“but I don’t actually care where I stay as long as it’s warm and no bugs and I see you occasionally, i.e. every single minute”

Franny and Zooey

“They were staggered at my assurance. An animal may be ferocious and cunning enough, but it takes a real man to tell a lie.”

The Island of Dr. Moreau

Animal Facts! (Panda Bear, Elephant, Shrimp Goby, Parrot)

Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!

Panda Bear

Think they do a really good Jamaican accent, but good God it sucks.

Dance, monkey!

Ohhhhhh I get it. It’s funny because it’s … wait, I don’t get it.

Reads The Non-Review.

Like school in the summer – no class!

Elephant

Suave. Sophisticated. And somehow still single – nobody gets it.

Favorite joke is: ‘what did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?’  ‘Make me one with everything.’

Call the cops – we got a reallllll joker on our hands.

Rushes to the sexual stuff. Will you ever learn?

Got fourth place in a Leslie Neilson look-alike contest.

Shrimp Goby

Had the nickname ‘the one man dogsled team’ in high school.

Don’t ask, but honestly, don’t have to. If you catch my drift.

They’re like one of those drug commercials. Everything seems great, but really there’s a huge list of possible downsides.

Fresh to death.

Stand up, sit down, fight fight fight!

Parrot

Texas-two-stepped their way into my nightmares.

Honorable to a fault. I’m not sure what that means. But it applies here.

Music starts when they look in your eyes … but then they notice your poor hygiene.

What a silly goose!

Cutie with a bootie.