The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘crying’

omgIMpreggars : Tweets from a Pregnant Fourteen Year Old

10 am: ugh! moms so pissed. taking me to hospital to see if im prgnant. fingers crossed its no!!!!!

10:47 am: shhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiitttttttttt.

10:49 am: mom said having a baby is worse than the time i got 14 stitches!!!!

10:57 am: omg! mom is so pissed! im sorry ok i thought he was on birth control!

11:14 am: apparently men cant be on birth control??? what were all those pills he took? whatev.

11:37 am: mom stated to take me back to school and i said erf that! im pregnant and have morning sickness or whatever.

11:39 am: lol! erf! i meant ef!!! lol!!

12:01 pm: just ate a ton! being preggars has its upside? 🙂

12:27 pm: i dont wanna be fat 😦 😦 😦 my bf will totally braeak up w me 😦 😦

12:32 pm: bf tweeted he luvs me!!!

12:34 pm: hahaha lol! my bf is such a perv! told me all the free sex we want for 9 mos

12:39 pm: wait … u cant get pregntn for lik another 3 months after birth too? right?

1:12 pm: ill have to get all new clothes … torn feeling sabout this 😦 and 🙂 lol!

1:37 pm: moms still so angry 😦

2:12 pm: shit mom get over it!!!!

3:07 pm: mom threatened to take my phone! wtf!!! its how i express myself!

3:09 pm: first amendment mom! heard of it?!!?!

3:14 pm: i can sue for indepndence from my parents right? i declare mself emancipted!!

3:17 pm: lol! my bf told me emancipated sounds like constipated! lol!

4:10 pm: shit am i ready to be a mom? what do u guys think?

4: 13 pm: be real w me pls …

4:47 pm: im havng this baby! weather you want iot or not!

4:49 pm: when you have ur period iur a woamn! ok!? like in china girls have babeis at 10!!

4:51 pm: f them doubters! lol!

5:37 pm: i feel fat 😦

6:27 pm: mom said no mcdonalds for dinnr!!! 😦 😦 😦

6:30 pm: jst bc im pregnant and weigh less than u mom doesnt mean u shuld be jealous

6:55 pm: oh no oh no oh no dads home! …

6:56 pm: bust out my ninja skillz! lol shhhh lol

7:15 pm: i saw my dad cry for like the firts time evr in his life … cryng right now 2 u guys … i guess things are goig to be diffrnet

7:24 pm: rude. mom calld me “unfit parent” wtf mom

7:27 pm: whats unfit is that shirt moms wearing LOL!!!!

7:49 pm: why do we evn have trigonmtry? its pointless

8:24 pm: than god for tivo! 🙂

8:37 pm: wow my baby will never have to wtch commrcials ever! what an easy life!

9:12 pm: im about to give birth to my lunch lol! cafetria food sucks!

9:47 pm: from my bf: “curfews are as gay as oprah and that chick shes gay with” LOL! luv it! luv you! 🙂

10:14 pm: ive been jokng around a lot today but im really scared. i dont know if i can handle this 😦 im so young its scary guys …

10:30 pm: south parks on ) 🙂 🙂 🙂

10:32 pm: tomrrow ill haev been pregnant 2 days. weird. night all. kep me in ur prayer.s

Category:

Short Short Stories

Tagged with:

My Zombie Roomy (6/17/10)

6/17/10
I don’t really like scary movies, and zombie flicks are included in that. I have an active imagination, and I don’t need any fuel to scare the crap out of me.

But, I’ll tell you, lately I’ve had a craving to watch a zombie flick. I feel sort of bad about this, too. I feel like if I had a dog for a roommate and I had a craving to watch ‘Old Yeller’. What’s wrong with me? Why do I want to watch zombies eat it?

I decided to be tactful about it, so I got a zombie flick and a sad human flick, that involved people dying. We watched the human flick, ‘Saving Private Ryan’, and the zombie cried during certain parts (that’s a sad movie!).

I thought, ok, yeah, crying makes sense. So then we put in a zombie movie, and he cried (as far as I could tell) an equivalent amount. I didn’t know what to do, but it was sort of contagious, so I cried a little too.

I think I won’t be watching another zombie movie for a while.

Category:

My Zombie Roomy

Tagged with:

Weekly Wacko (24)

The Natural, But, Different

I don’t think I was destined to be a baseball player.
I daydreamt about being a football player, a soccer star, winning cross country races, making the last second basketball shot – but never baseball.
I definitely daydreamt about having the wives baseball players have, or the money – but not so much the playing baseball aspect.

The one season of baseball I played was not baseball at all, it was t-ball.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s still pressure in t-ball. There’s a lot of pressure.
How embarrassing would it be to miss a ball sitting waist level on a stand.
Good God, please don’t let me miss this ball that is SITTING MOTIONLESS in front of me … Oh please …

My family has a tape of one of my t-ball games.
I had heard this story but it absolutely floored me when I watched the tape.
Apparently I had made a kid cry. Here’s how:

I was up to bat and got a pretty good hit, so I started off toward first base.
You can, in the tape, hear parents cheering. My dad included, “come on Brad! Go, Brad!” He can be loud.
One arm was pumping – run run run!
The other was on top of my helmet – they were overly huge. It annoyed the hell out of us but I think it was a plot our mothers hatched. (“They look so adorable!”)
I got to first and was told to keep going.
“Come on Braaaad!”
In the video you can practically hear the laughter in the parents voices as they cheer. Pee wee hockey is the best for laughing at kids though.

I was RIGHT ON the baseball path. This is where you run.
A player on the other team, though, … he was apparently not so aware.
He came through, not looking, and we collided.
A titanic crash of tiny limbs and adorrrrrable outfits (aka “uniforms”).
I got up and kept going.
They were still yelling for me to keep going – what else was I supposed to do?
The other boy …
We all don’t make it, do we?
Circle of life, right?
He was down, crying his eyes out.
I was rounding second.
His dad was walking out.
I was halfway to third.
His dad had picked him up.
I stopped at third.
His dad carried him off the field.
I was totally oblivious.
(But when I watched this tape I was laughing hysterically and, I’ll admit it, very proud of myself.)

Everyone has their baseball dreams – but maybe I just accomplished too much too soon.
Running into a kid full speed, then getting up and still getting a triple!
AND the other kid has to be carried off the field, CRYING?!
There’s just no topping that.
I had to retire.

Category:

Weekly Wacko

Tagged with: