The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

Did You Know – Excrement Edition

Sometimes if someone is very angry they might yell that something is bull shtuff (that’s edited, dontchya know). Well, Mr. Angry-Yelling-Pants, I bet you didn’t know that you can cite other animals excrement to convey other feelings.

Bull Isht –                      Anger
Old Man Isht –              Confusion
Dragon Isht –                Happiness
Steven Segal Isht –     Bloated
Chicken Isht –              Anger, with a hint of amusement
Dinosaur Isht –            Consternation over taxes
Old Lady Isht –            Desire to hang out with kids, and possibly give them 14 cents
Racist Isht –                  Kill whitey

Do you know of any other telling forms of shtuff? Post them in the comments!

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Du Jour of the Week

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100% Irrelevant, 110% Analysis

There’s this little problem
Well it’s not little but slim
I can’t just speak on a whim
Oh now I’m being dim.

But onward!
Outward!
Forward!
Well not forward, I’d hate to be untoward.

My problem is analysis
To the point of, yes, paralysis
The more fruitless
The more endless
With no hope of definitive, conclusive bliss

When she said bye –
Why didn’t she say good bye?
Was it a shot on the sly?
Or am I guess-who-really-needs-a-hobby guy?

Look! What’s that on the horizon?
A problem that could use some serious surmisin’?
Well, isn’t this surprisin’?
I already made the decision – and it can’t be undone.

So I ask you, please make my decisions life or death,
Or I’ll just think them to death.

***

I do nerd-engineering stuff so I’ve heard the phrase ‘analysis-paralysis’ a number of times. But I met someone who hadn’t heard that phrase, so in case you haven’t, I just made you that much dorkier.

Also, I really do over-think things I don’t need to quite a bit, so I’m going to hit this topic again for a poem and next time try to make it good.

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Du Jour of the Week

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Birthday Card/Sympathy Card/Congratulations on the New Baby Card

Do you have a friend with a birthday coming up? Or need to express sympathy? Or have a friend with a new kiddo? Not sure what to get your friend? How about start with a nice card – and I’ve designed just the card for you.

Front:

Inside:

For birthdays – this card has led to a hug in 7 out of every 8 cases.

For sympathy – cathartic tears were cried 127% of the time (nearby people also began crying upon seeing this card, resulting in a percent of criers exceeding 100%).

For the new baby – it is not yet known what the effects of this card are, but go for it and let us know how it works.

Note: please DO NOT give this card as a congratulations on graduating gift. In 90% of test cases the recent graduate, upon receiving this card, became a carny. The weight-guessing kind of carny.

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Du Jour of the Week, Pictures

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