The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

Last Minute Halloween Ideas for a Group

It’s Halloween tomorrow, and you know what that means – brilliant last minute ideas from yours truly at DumbFunnery.com, your source for news, weather, celebrity gossip, and fashion advice.

This year I will focus on group costumes.

(You see, I’ve done this in the past as well:

Impressed? Eh, probably not.)

 

Idea 1

Do you have a twin or friend who looks a lot like you? Then have I got the idea for you! Be a glitch in the Matrix! Dress up the same, and whenever you go someplace, one friend will take turns following about 10 seconds behind the other friend. It’s subtle, it’s genius, and it’ll weed out the nerds because only they will get it.

Idea 2

Are you a really big guy, or a small woman married to a big guy? Also, that small woman should be pregnant. Still with me? Great. Be a turducken! The guy will dress up as a turkey, the woman dresses up as a chicken, and you just tell people your unborn baby is a chicken. And you get to spend the night walking around hugging each other constantly. Talk about quality time!

Idea 3

Are you one guy with a bunch of male friends who have been invited to a party but you just don’t know what to be!? Have no fear, my friends. Dress up as sperm! When you arrive to the party, everyone should immediately rush to the fridge and try to get eggs. I don’t know what you should do after you get the eggs, but something comical would probably be best. Also, for added humor, show up to the party early, like before it even really gets going.

Idea 4

Grab a bunch of pals and be … modern art! Separated from each other, you’ll look like just some person wearing plain clothes with splotches of paint all over yourself. But together!, you’ll look like a group of people who are wearing plain clothes with splotches of paint all over yourselves.

Idea 5

Are you a person? Do you have six friends? That’s wonderful! Now rate them in order. No no, of course they’re all equally close, but say only one of them could live – who would it be? Just kidding. Here’s the idea: dress up as the seven deadly sins! What fun! For an added bonus, call people you meet wenches and frumpelstiltskins and hedonists.

Ok friends, there are some great ideas. Have a wonderful Halloween and tweet pictures of the costumes I helped inspire to me @DumbFunnery and I’ll be sure to favorite it (unless you look weird).

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Du Jour of the Week

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Good Signs and Bad Omens

The other day an email pointed out an amazing difference between my wife and I: she believes in good signs, I believe in the ability to jinx myself.

I got an email and said to her, “hey check this out – I got an email advertising this.” And she said, with hope and excitement, “that’s a good sign!!”

And I said, with fear and worry, “but by acknowledging this email I probably jinxed myself!”

Which one are you? If you are out on a stroll the day before some big event – a presentation, your first ever 5k, a big date – and you see something totally unrelated to your life zip by which you can nevertheless relate to your life … Is it a good sign, or a bad omen? Does seeing that and thinking it could be something positive in turn make it something negative? By telling yourself you will fail, do you help prevent failure? Or by telling yourself you will succeed, do you give yourself the confidence needed to truly succeed?

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God Speed Ned Berderdle

Ned Berderdle
Was a tranquil turtle
He lived a bucolic life
Absent of strife
His life changed one morning
Without notice or warning

A young boy named Buck
Was out and about, running amuck
Buck was full of adventure and joy
And saw Ned as his newest toy
“I shall name you Ned Berderdle!”
Buck now had himself a pet turtle

Some grass, sticks, and a glass cage
Look in Ned’s turtle eyes, you’ll see turtle rage
Away from his fields, his creeks, his pasture
Ned had to get out, of this he was sure
Looking around Buck’s room, Ned felt delight
Future friends and allies filled his sight

Wesley Daniel the brittany spaniel
Allister Beal the cockatiel
Vincenzo Stupenzo Wog the frog
And Rod, just plain Rod, the wonder cod

“Gents,” Ned Berderdle said with a  nod
“New guy,” a smirk and a wink from the wonder cod

“You don’t know me, I’m Ned Berderdle.
“I’m a nice guy, a quiet guy, a simple turtle.
“I love the outdoors and living life free
“And what I’d like, no, love, is for you to help me.
“I don’t know yet how I’ll repay all of you
“But I will, if it’s the last thing I do.”
Ned stopped, a light suddenly clicking on
“WE COULD ALL ESCAPE! WE COULD ALL GET GONE!”

Rod, you remember him, the wonder cod?
He did not hesitate, neither hemmed nor hawed,
“But don’t you see, I’m a FISH
“Better here than on someone’s dish.”
While odd, and macabre,
Ned had to admit, he was a shrewd cod
“But,” Rod continued after his pause
“A jailbreak is always a worthwhile cause.”

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