The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘wife’

Attn: Ellen (10/12/16)



Back (apologies for my handwriting!)


The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

My wife is on a quest to find every possible sentence in the English language to express disinterest in football.

It’s pretty cool to be part of history being made.


Why am I doing this?

Update on the Home Front

With the wife being out of town, the normal routine has been disturbed. But no matter, I can roll with the flow look few can. Here, let me share some updates!

  • I live three doors down from a cop. I have been loitering outside by his car touching his car. So far nothing has come of this. But that’s probably for the best, because I’ve yet to establish a joke to go along with this setup.
  • Given: your wife has a couple plants she is desperately trying to get to the point where they are full-fledged grown-up plants and Given: your wife has named these plants names like “Carlos” and “Grumpus” … How annoyed will you be when you stage fake picture pictures of a murder-suicide using Carlos and Grumpus? Answer forthcoming.
  • Recently a neighbor kid came by the kitchen window in the backyard and scared the crap out of me. With the house to myself I have taken to rolling my shorts up so that it looks like a diaper (it’s simple to do with running shorts, just pull up on the sides and tuck them in). Come on by neighbor kid, let’s see who’s scared now.
  • Did you know cartoons are still enjoyable? Did you know working, then coming home and watching four hours of cartoons until it’s time for bed three days in a row is less enjoyable? Because I’M WELL AWARE.

Wish the wife luck folks, she gets back soon.

Good Signs and Bad Omens

The other day an email pointed out an amazing difference between my wife and I: she believes in good signs, I believe in the ability to jinx myself.

I got an email and said to her, “hey check this out – I got an email advertising this.” And she said, with hope and excitement, “that’s a good sign!!”

And I said, with fear and worry, “but by acknowledging this email I probably jinxed myself!”

Which one are you? If you are out on a stroll the day before some big event – a presentation, your first ever 5k, a big date – and you see something totally unrelated to your life zip by which you can nevertheless relate to your life … Is it a good sign, or a bad omen? Does seeing that and thinking it could be something positive in turn make it something negative? By telling yourself you will fail, do you help prevent failure? Or by telling yourself you will succeed, do you give yourself the confidence needed to truly succeed?

%d bloggers like this: