The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

My Zombie Roomy (6/28/11)

I had a dream last night that I was sleeping in someone else’s bed and sweating a bunch, so I woke up feeling guilty for sweating all over their bed. Then I looked up and noticed that the Zombie had gotten my iron out and was spritzing me with it.

“Ok, sure,” I said, not sure what to do with this situation, “thanks for waking me up.”

The Zombie did not look amused in the least. I gave him a funny look and he held up this:

Good God, I thought, is the Zombie having image issues?

That’s when he gave me a look I knew I’d seen … yes, yes I KNOW that look! That’s the look my ex-girlfriend would give when trying on pants she didn’t like the fit of (one in particular but in case she reads I’ll keep it a mystery, right, Joanna?)! The Zombie hates his hips!!

If he goes anorexic he’d die, right? Well I guess a human would too, but with humans you can take them places. Sheesh. Time to look for a positive Zombie role model who is not super fit, and yet still ‘sexy.’ This is getting weird.

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Category:

My Zombie Roomy

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Congrats to My Folkses!!

Recently my parents had their anniversary (of what, you ask? Of marriage I say!).

My sister came up with this idea (she saw it on some random guys blog I think) – you take an old photo and then try and recreate it. We found a good photo, unfortunately it was from when we lived in Korea, so we didn’t go back to the scene of the original photo. Instead I attempted some crappy copy-and-paste and … well, just check it out.

Original Photo!

Removed! (Just looks kind of neat)

New!

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Pictures

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Lying to Your Family Can Be Fun AND Entertaining!! (A Lesson for the Kids)

My first “big” relationship was with a girl I was obsessed with. Ooooh she was so pretty, and smart, and fun, and I liked her and she liked ME!

She was the freshman year of college girl (that old story).

When summer hit I went back to Arizona by way of a cruelly long drive (Texas, why do you take so long to drive out of?). Not long after returning home my Dad’s side of the family headed to northern Arizona for a bit of cooler weather.

“My girl” was scheduled to visit, which the family learned. Naturally, questions would come.

Here’s the tricky part, though. The questions didn’t come at once in a 5-on-1 interview, instead it was a series of 1-on-1 interviews where you get asked the same questions over, and over, and over again.

Eventually, I gave up on the truth.

“What’s she studying?”
“She’s getting a duel degree, one in Econ and the other in Home Studies.”
“Ohhh.”

A subtle lie. Majoring in Home-Ec, how is that not funny?

I’m such a nerd.

“What’s she look like?”
“Mostly short. That’s the first thing I notice about her. Very compact. She can fit most anywhere, really.”

The lies were starting to stretch.

“What’s she like?”
“She likes dancing. She just … God! When she dances, the world dances with her!”

By the time the last relative questioned me they could tell I was lying by about ten words into my first answer.

Sure, it was obnoxious of me to give fake answers. But I knew they were drinking and weren’t going to remember anyway, so why bother with the truth when lying would at least keep me entertained. This way, at least one of us remembered the conversation.

Category:

Weekly Wacko

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