The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Attn: Ellen (9/23/15)

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Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

How about this postcard, huh? My sister got me a set of SIX of these! All the exact same. So, what should I do with the five remaining Neapolitan cat cones? Any celebrity pals you want me to send one to? Or any other ideas?

What can I say – these postcards have me in a cat … atonic state.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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Attn: Ellen (9/16/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcardBack (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’ve been there! Well, maybe not that particular rock but other rocks. Really neat ones too. But you’ll have to take my word on that because I don’t have postcards of them.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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Other Things God Tried Before the Silent Treatment

God, who is currently undergoing the longest known example of ‘the silent treatment,’ tried other things to get humanity’s attention first:

  • Calling, but hanging up before humanity could answer, then waiting for humanity to call back
  • Saying ‘what?’ and then when humanity responds ‘…what’, God says with annoyance, ‘oh, I thought you said something’ and then there’s a silence that’s even heavier than what it was before the exchange
  • Sighing really loudly while deliberately not looking at humanity
  • Having one of God’s friends call humanity and say, ‘hey what’s your deal? Why are you being so rude to God?’
  • Being super sweet to humanity and then when humanity does the slightest thing wrong getting even angrier

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Du Jour of the Week

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