The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

If I Squint My Eyes Just Right, You Sure Are Pretty

Yes, friends, the International Space Station (ISS) will have two residents for a full year: American astronaut Scott Kelly and Russian Cosmonaut Mikhail Kornienko. Which is awesome and nuts (the typical mission is half this duration, a mere six months in OUTER SPAAAAAACE!!!).

Astronaut Scott Kelly, left, says he doesn’t want “to Russian to things with Korni.” (Russian Cosmonaut Mikhail Kornienko, right.) At least that’s the only thing I can think of that would lead to this posed shot.

There are seven main areas of focus during this year-long mission:

  • Functional
  • Behavioral Health
  • Visual Impairment
  • Metabolic
  • Physical Performance
  • Microbial
  • Human Factors

If you want to read more about this, you should! You can check out this article from nasa.gov or any number of articles that have been written about it.

What I’m interested in is the emotional impact, specifically:

  • How will relationships over such a long and very real absence change? Scott, with two children, and Mikhail with a wife and daughter … Plus undoubtedly extended friends and family. What will the relationships look like at the end of the mission as opposed to the start?
  • How complicated will the handshake sequence be at the end of the year? (e.g. Shake hands, bump fist, pour imaginary contents into imaginary test tubes, pretend to wait patiently for the results, read imaginary lengthy report, look shocked, pretend one of the guys is pregnant and the other guy is the father, go through incredibly long montage of classic pregnant man moments, pantomime birth, show that the child is … SCIENCE)
  • Will the feelings of isolation evolve into a mistrust of what could end up as a disembodied “voice in the sky” telling them their daily schedule? (The schedules for the astronauts are communicated to them from the ground, at Houston’s Johnson Space Center.)
  • Will they, to keep up physical performance, engage in wrestling? After all, it is a resistance-oriented form of work out and the resistance is supplied by another person (ideal for situations where there is no gravity). Also wrestling can become ideal as time ticks and human contact becomes … missed.

P.S. In addition to the study on the two people on board the ISS, there will be another study comparing Scott Kelly to his twin brother and fellow astronaut, Mark Kelly.

Attn: Ellen (3/18/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This is a big, beautiful wall of windows. That day we had a guide who explained the wall (ladies stand behind windows and watch people marching into town), and then the guide took a cool photo of Lauren (the Mrs.) with the wall reflected in her shades.

Later I tried to duplicate this but instead had a very close up picture of my wife giving me a look that says ‘why are you so close to my face?’

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

More Bang for Their Buck

Have you heard about this? Some networks are slightly speeding up the speed of shows, a small enough amount that most people won’t notice, but enough to fit in a little bit more commercial time so they can generate more ad revenue?

Imagine if you could do this in conversations.

“Excuse me, I want to hear what you’re saying but I’ve got a lot to do today so … Just speak into this mic and I’ll listen to you later at a 10% faster speed.”

Or you can do this without being rude. If life is moving too fast, move to a small town in the south where the accents are slow and the pace of life is slower. If life is moving too slow, move to a city where to-the-point conversations are the norm (I’m looking at you, stereotypical New Yorkers).

Here’s an example someone made a while back of a 7.5% speed up of a Seinfeld episode on TBS, and a more recent 9% speed up of Seinfeld. Comedy with timing skewed? That’s especially wrong.