The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Attn: Ellen (4/1/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

That wraps up my India postcards. If you would like to hear more, my co-workers, friends and family would be glad to have someone else listen to me ramble.

Need another reason to have me on your show? You got it: I’m pretty tall, so I could change light bulbs with only a 3-step ladder while others might need a regular ladder.

Think it over!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com or @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Well Done, Ham Industry

I’ve never been a fan of ham. Some foods that I disliked as a child I enjoy now, like broccoli, lettuce, salad, tomatoes, etc. But ham has always been on my no thanks list.

And YET, even knowing that I don’t enjoy it, I still see the names of ham products at the grocery store and can’t help but think, mmm, that sounds good.

  • Honey Baked Ham
    • Are you kidding me? That sounds amazing!
  • Black Forest Ham
    • Is Robin Hood himself delivering this ham to me?, because that’s what the title implies in my mind.
  • Mystical Ham Boat
    • I just made this up, but you’d buy it, wouldn’t you?
  • In French the word ham is ‘jambon’
    • Jambon! Jam on! It’s like Michael Jackson himself couldn’t help but randomly say ‘ham!’ while singing (perhaps he messed up the pronunciation).

I tip my hat to you, ham industry. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next.

And let’s not forget about this walking advertisement.

Attn: Ellen (3/25/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

In Udaipur, as in nearly all places we saw, our guide told us about palaces and the amazing art that went into them. Then, the guides would “kindly” offer to let us see this art being performed even today … at a store/art workroom. From this I learned that: ancient art, dying art, government subsidized and “my most honorable guests” are all ways to say “hey buddy, get ready for sticker shock!”

Sincerely,
The Easily Persuaded Tourist OR
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?