The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Ellen DeGeneres’

Attn: Ellen (11/2/16)

Front

ellen284a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

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The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

From one famous person to another, sometimes all the free stuff is a bit much, right?

…Well. So. To be a little more honest, I got this postcard and more from underatreeprints.com because my buddy TS is a nice guy AND because he and his mom started the business! (They’re the artists, pretty good, right?)

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

(Or, if you want some cards or postcard, @underatreeprint)

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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Attn: Ellen (10/26/16)

Front

ellen283a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen283b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I have discovered something about owning a home – it feels great to do things to make the house nicer, especially when those things take little effort.

Changing one light bulb is for dopes, anyone can do that.

But changing FIVE!? In just one day!? Well, self, you deserve a 3-week break from home improvement work.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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Attn: Ellen (10/19/16)

Front

ellen282a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen282b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

With baseball postseason here, or as I call it, ‘even more baseball,’ I’ve got a proposal to improve attendance for MLB’s 726 game season.

Have someone come out with a 9-sided die, roll it, and that’s how many innings the game will be.

Now:

“Hey honey, want to watch a bunch of guys stand around for 2 hours, 45 minutes, and sprint randomly for 15 minutes?”
“No.”

With my improvement:

“Hey honey, want to watch a few innings of baseball, AND get hot dogs!?!”
“Yes!”

I’m available for consulting, MLB.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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