The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘playoffs’

Attn: Ellen (5/17/17)

Front

Ellen309a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen309b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I don’t know much about hockey, but I do like watching it.

With the playoffs going, I like to watch and make up fake slang to impress my wife.

“Oh yah, well he leaked the net real nice, basically re-doing the whole upholstery and all he’s got to show for it is a horse-sized vitamin, ya know?”

Neat, huh?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Advertisements

Attn: Ellen (10/19/16)

Front

ellen282a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen282b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

With baseball postseason here, or as I call it, ‘even more baseball,’ I’ve got a proposal to improve attendance for MLB’s 726 game season.

Have someone come out with a 9-sided die, roll it, and that’s how many innings the game will be.

Now:

“Hey honey, want to watch a bunch of guys stand around for 2 hours, 45 minutes, and sprint randomly for 15 minutes?”
“No.”

With my improvement:

“Hey honey, want to watch a few innings of baseball, AND get hot dogs!?!”
“Yes!”

I’m available for consulting, MLB.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (5/4/16)

Front

Ellen260a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen260b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

It’s playoff hockey time! The time of year when the people ask: can someone be shy a few teeth, have a beard that birds live in, and look like someone who could spend a few hours staring at foil because it’s shiny … AND be attractive?

And somehow the answer is always yes.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (1/22/14)

Front

Ellen154a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 Ellen154b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I have been watching the NFL playoffs a lot today and I made a decision – I’m going to bring the intensity of the NFL to my work.

If a co-worker and I disagree and it turns out I’m right, I’m going to yell, “ALL DAY BABY! ALL DAY!” Then if later it turns out my co-worker actually was right? Then he/she would shout “PICK SIX!” … or something. I haven’t worked out all the details but I’m feeling confident … or something.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (10/20/10)

Front

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

As an FYI, the postcard is from when I went to a Giants game – it was a free giveaway!

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

Here’s another baseball fact for you:

Nolan Ryan threw the most no-hitters, physically. But emotionally, it was Barbra Streisand.

Don’t believe me? Just ask Santa Claus.

Sincerely,
One of the best knowers of fake news,
With long goodbye messages,
GetBradStanleyPublished.com

(please?)

Attn: Ellen (10/14/10)

Front

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

As an FYI, the postcard is from when I went to a Giants game – it was a free giveaway!

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

In light of it being the baseball postseason I will tell you an interesting baseball fact:

Between innings 2 – 8 I think about what it’d be like if I was a super hero, or maybe just in really good shape without having to ever work out.

The interesting fact is that 74% of baseball players are thinking the same things.

About me.

Creepy, I know.

Weirdly,
GetBradStanleyPublished.Com

%d bloggers like this: