The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘fun’

Unexpected Results of the DOMA Case

  • “It’s raining men” played a record number of times
  • The four dissenting judges in the DOMA case now each own a large number of copies of The Bird Cage, which were given anonymously as gifts.
  • Stereotypes are shaken up when, at the large number of celebratory pride parades, gay men dress in gaudy and unattractive outfits. (Their haircuts still look good though.)
  • Glitter and paint sales skyrocket on Friday, as parade decoration plans are the main activity of the night.

 

Congrats to my friends who have been positively impacted by this! And to those who are feeling upset or negative about it, I’m sorry you feel that way. If there are people who believe that the idea of gay people getting married is bad or negative, please leave a comment and I’ll happily explain why I think it is not a bad thing.

Given that I average about one comment per post (or less), I’m not worried about a big controversial argument happening. If it does … cool (for my blog stats)! But, let’s play nice.

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Attn: Ellen (6/26/13)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres rabbit

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Leave it to art to create new fears in your life. Until recently I wasn’t afraid of giant, highly evolved rabbits trying to take over the world.

Normally I send you postcards to try and get your attention so you’ll invite me on your show … But this time I just want this creepy rabbit out of here.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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You Rock, Rock

Lindsay Stallings, class of 1482, who had become a part of a major street in New York City was recently lost. The killer is believed to have been a jackhammer, the end of far too many of us.

Joe Bishop, class of 400 B.C., recently returned from a world tour. Over the hundreds of years since graduating, Joe has eroded into the size of a pebble, which he believes helped him take this tour. “I was eaten by a really dumb bird and … Well, ‘dropped off’ in the Atlantic Ocean. From there I had a series of carriers – my favorite is a tie between a whale and a Russian soldiers boot – and I somehow made it back home to Nova Scotia. Funny thing is, my wife had only just noticed I was gone. She’s pretty stoic, even for a rock.” The university would like to extend its congratulations to Joe for a long, wonderful life and his recent world tour.

Look out everyone because we now have our most famous classmate: Thomas St. Luis, class of 1242 was apparently used as the model for a meteorite in a recent movie depicting an ‘end of days scenario.’

Catastrophe turned into true love for graduate Charlotte O’Hare, class of 22 A.D., recently. “I was close to a GORGEOUS rock, flirting and feeling things out, when all the sudden I was kicked! Some little trio of human boys, walking and KICKING me! Kicking me along like I’m just some OBJECT! Me! A direct descendant of the Mt. Kilimanjaro line! Anyhow … luck was on my side that day because I ended up being kicked right into the patient arms of my now husband, Doug.” Congratulations to Charlotte and Doug!

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