The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Washington D.C.’

Attn: Ellen (6/26/13)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres rabbit

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Leave it to art to create new fears in your life. Until recently I wasn’t afraid of giant, highly evolved rabbits trying to take over the world.

Normally I send you postcards to try and get your attention so you’ll invite me on your show … But this time I just want this creepy rabbit out of here.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

“UGH!, walks with Dad are the WORST!!!”

This is a statue in D.C. for the Boy Scouts. Check out more pictures here.

A bit of explanation can be found here, but I’ll paste the bit about the (naked) man:

“The male figure exemplifies physical, mental, and moral fitness, love of country, good citizenship, loyalty, honor, and courage. He carries a helmet, a symbol of masculine attire.”

Sure, masculine. I get it. But it still took me by surprise. Like some terrible childhood where the dad couldn’t get enough attention.

“Son, let’s go outside for a walk!”
“I really need to do my homework dad! Sorry, maybe tomorrow!”
“Tomorrow!? Have you SEEN this physique!? We can’t deny the world this hot bod – we’re going outside NOW!”
(“UGH!, walks with Dad are the WORST!!!”)

Pictures from My D.C. Meanderings

 

Not a good picture but I just really enjoyed this statue

Not a good picture but I just really enjoyed this statue

Jets! (And Other Big Cool Things that Fly!)

Aha! I finally found a good place where the panorama mode on my camera looks cool! This first picture is a little goofy with cutting up people/making them look weird … but I dig the last picture quite a bit.

The pictures are from the National Air and Space Museum.

Quick Hits from D.C.

Hello friends … how are ye? I’m in the D.C. area for a little trip.

I

I’ll throw out a statement my cousin, and sometime commenter, made yesterday:

He was talking about seeing a beautiful woman and the thoughts that follow

  • She’s probably a jerk because she’s so beautiful
  • She’s probably too good to talk to him
  • “Or three, I’m an idiot because neither of those first things are true but I’m too afraid to go talk to her.”

I won’t say that last one is a direct quote because I didn’t write it down then, but I thought that was pretty brilliant from ol’ cousin G.

II

I also got to meet up with a friend of mine I haven’t seen since high school. I had bragged somewhat about meeting up with her because she’s a writer for a very well known and good magazine … Time.

Yeah. That’s right. I know a real writer.

She called me a tramp many times. This is because, at dinner one night, we (along with friends of hers) talked about if a kiss at the end of a good first date is expected. I said yes. She said no. Therefore, I was a tramp. So you’ve heard it here first, folks, Time magazine thinks I’m a tramp.

III

Last night I went to a coffee shop mainly to check emails. I noticed a table right by me with two girls, one of them on her laptop. She was looking at okcupid and plentyoffish, two dating websites. She was reading some messages to her friend, and they were laughing about guys on that site.

Sure it could be perceived as mean, but I’d challenge you to be on one of those sites and NOT do that sometimes.

One of the messages the girl had gotten involved the guy telling her she was lucky to have received a message from him, that it was a great experience. I thought that was pretty good.

I actually ended up talking to them about the sites and how they enjoy them. One of the girls told me the other girl was trying to date the village people – a biker, a cop, an Indian chief, a … whatever the rest are. This was a joke goal, but also pretty fantastic.

Girl 1: Where will we find a cowboy?
Girl 2: Ok well it doesn’t have to be a cowboy.
Girl 1: Yeah, it could just be like a guy from Texas.
Girl 2: Yeah. He’d have to wear a cowboy hat though.
Girl 1: Ok so a guy from Texas.
(Me sitting there, visiting from Texas.)

The fact that I went up and talked to these two was enough bold, outgoing-ness for one day. I wasn’t about to say, “ya’ll lookin’ for a Texan? Aw now, look no futha’.” Except wait, I’m awkward.

Me: I’m actually visiting here from Houston.
Girl 1: Perfect! You two can date!
(Girl 2 probably scared.)
Me: Well I’m not FROM Texas. You need one of my co-workers with a real thick drawl.
Girl 1: Oh ok.
(Unsure where to go from there … a little awkward silence … I made fun of Texas … then the shop owner says ok get out. It was closing time.)

Congratulations to me.

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