The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘fun’

Attn: Ellen (5/1/13)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres Star Wars


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This Saturday is free comic book day. This is great for single people because it answers the age old question, “where can I meet a guy who is not only nerdy, but also cheap?”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (4/24/13)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres M.C. Escher


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’m no scientist, or doctor, or a lot of things actually – but I think I’ve got it!

A perpetual motion machine!

You see, I have been under the weather and I swear, I go blow my nose to my heart’s content, then I wash my hands, leave the bathroom and boom! – time to blow the nose again.

So … you know … Somehow apply that to a perpetual motion machine.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

My Zombie Roomy (4/22/13)

You know how sometimes you’ll be walking alone at night and you think, “man this is just like a horror movie” and then you think, “no, no, don’t do that.” But at the exact same time you’re thinking that phrase, your brain is also trying to figure out which horror movie villain goes perfectly with that night.

Sort of like how fancy people pair wine with whatever food they’re going to have.

In this case, it turns out that my imagination wasn’t running wild and creating a fearful situation in my head for no good reason, it was a warning that I should run for my life because two zombies were coming for me to kill me.

A classic mistake.

The Zombie, that guy!, it’d been a long while you know (based on the poncho he had in his car – I’ll get to all this – I’m back onto my theory that the Zombie is Mexican or at least Mexican-American). Anywho, the Zombie saved the day, mostly. He came flying up in this big, really loud truck (style, not actual volume) and ran over this thing. The thing turned out to be a zombie who was coming to get me.

Wait – I feel like I’m getting ahead of myself by starting at the end, or the middle, or maybe about 70% of the way into the story.

Let’s back up and re-visit Maslow’s Hierarchy and how it relates to zombies (this comparison is my own, based on the past month or so’s events with the Zombie).

For now I’ll break it up into 4 parts. And I’ll get to those when I’m feeling … you know, less covered in blood (it’s Sunday night and the Zombino and I just got back to my apartment after a rough weekend).

  • Part 1 – Zombies and Maslow’s Hierarchy, or Who to Semi-Trust and Who to Run Away from Screaming
  • Part 2 – The Zombie’s Gang and Their Mission or Should I Change My Home Address and Flee Now, or Later?
  • Part 3 – That God Awful Truck or How the Zombie Said Adios to Texas and Hola to Running Over Evil Zombies
  • Part 4 – This Weekend or How I Lost Four Pounds the Hard Way (Through Crying, Sweating, Puking, and Blood Loss)