The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘grocery store’

The Ice Cream Plight

Ice cream, oh ice cream
It is of you I now dream
Ice cream which would give such delight!
But ice cream that requires moving off my couch tonight

Past self, at the grocery store,
“Bad eating habits? No more!”
You FOOL! You goon! You dummy.
A life … without ice cream … is not yummy.

And so, to the closest store I go
For overpriced chocolate chip cookie dough
At the grocery store soon after
I’ll think back with self-chiding laughter
“No, I ate too much ice cream that night.
“Cutting out sweets is definitely right.”

Yes, my friends, my foes
These are the ice cream woes
Take heed at the grocery store tonight!
Don’t think, just buy, avoid the Ice Cream Plight

Craigslist Missed Connections I Could See Myself Posting

I

We Had a Moment?? – m4w – 26

I was out jogging so I didn’t have my glasses on – but I couldn’t stop looking at you* and I think we had a moment?

*Assuming you are female. If you are not this is a total joke. Also get a haircut, your pony tail is misleading.

II

Hopefully you like shy guys… – m4w – 26

We were both at Some-Buddy’s Bar last night and I didn’t talk to you or really make much eye contact because I was playing coy. So … dang.

III

Undo Button … – m4w – 26

We met last night while standing in line at the grocery store and we were having an awesome little conversation and everything was great and I was about to ask for your number when I made that joke about if you had a more attractive sister.

The bagger laughed?? Does that count for anything?

Anyway – again, totally joking. We should hang out sometime? I’d love to meet your family? (Too soon to joke about this again? We’ll give it time …)

IV

Flirtatious Drool – m4w – 26

You told me I had an awesome t-shirt and I smiled and drooled a little ice cream.

We should meet up. But not for ice cream.

V

Silver Medal is Still Good? – m4w – 26

I went up to you and your group of friends and the four of us talked for like an hour. It was awesome. I felt like you were really digging me and I was definitely interested in you as well.

I also happened to be slightly interested in your friend. Who happened to have a very large boyfriend. So when I asked her to dance I meant as friends, because, you know, you’re clearly the coolest. I really wanted to dance with you, I just pitied your friend?

…This will make a great ‘how we met’ story??

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