The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘drool’

Craigslist Missed Connections I Could See Myself Posting

I

We Had a Moment?? – m4w – 26

I was out jogging so I didn’t have my glasses on – but I couldn’t stop looking at you* and I think we had a moment?

*Assuming you are female. If you are not this is a total joke. Also get a haircut, your pony tail is misleading.

II

Hopefully you like shy guys… – m4w – 26

We were both at Some-Buddy’s Bar last night and I didn’t talk to you or really make much eye contact because I was playing coy. So … dang.

III

Undo Button … – m4w – 26

We met last night while standing in line at the grocery store and we were having an awesome little conversation and everything was great and I was about to ask for your number when I made that joke about if you had a more attractive sister.

The bagger laughed?? Does that count for anything?

Anyway – again, totally joking. We should hang out sometime? I’d love to meet your family? (Too soon to joke about this again? We’ll give it time …)

IV

Flirtatious Drool – m4w – 26

You told me I had an awesome t-shirt and I smiled and drooled a little ice cream.

We should meet up. But not for ice cream.

V

Silver Medal is Still Good? – m4w – 26

I went up to you and your group of friends and the four of us talked for like an hour. It was awesome. I felt like you were really digging me and I was definitely interested in you as well.

I also happened to be slightly interested in your friend. Who happened to have a very large boyfriend. So when I asked her to dance I meant as friends, because, you know, you’re clearly the coolest. I really wanted to dance with you, I just pitied your friend?

…This will make a great ‘how we met’ story??

Animal Facts! (Jaguar, Jaguar, Jaguar, Jaguar)

*This post is motivated by my somewhat real, somewhat joking love of jaguars (the animal – though the car is nice too). For the history, see my twitter account background, @haikustanley or this post. Also this post is fun.

Jaguar – Physical


Friends call him ‘the regulator’ because he regulates other species’ populations.

“Awwwwwww, look it! Ahhh! He’s eating me!” The person who said this was very proud to have been eaten by a jaguar. (I’m guessing.)

“Other animals are intimidated by the jaguar.” (A direct quote from my 4th grade report.)

If he had to get a corporate job, it would probably be in sales. That’s not really interesting, just saying.

True story: he went to get a tattoo and the tattoo artist said, “ok, what do you want?” And the jaguar said, “I don’t know. Something that looks cool.” The tattoo artist said, “no problem.” Four hours later the jaguar had a little tattoo of himself.

 

Jaguar – Emotional


Don’t have a fear of commitment, have a commitment to fear.

Have loved, and lost, and danced like nobody’s watching. Haven’t been to Disneyworld though.

Can’t bring themselves to buy a ‘proud parent’ bumper sticker, but the sentiment is all the same.

Has three emotions: badass, sleeping, other. The ‘other’ category has things like fear and sadness and normal stuff like that.

Wake up full of pity. Wait, no, hunger. Sometimes both.

 

Jaguar – Spiritual


The animal version of a job fair. If you think this doesn’t make sense, you’re right.

BOOM! (That’s what they say randomly, spiritually that is.)

If their aura had a noise it would be the song ‘Duel of the Fates.’

The first time a jaguar found out it was revered as a religious symbol it went and told its dad. The dad chuckled and shook his head and said, “son, you just met your first recruiter. Those guys will say anything to get you to join the Marines.”

Give hugs that could kill a man with how much emotional comfort they provide.

 

Jaguar – Bradual


Sometimes lashes out at zookeepers.

Uses the word ‘pounce’ in 4 out of 5 sentences.

Like real jaguars, marks territory with waste or by clawing trees. Unlike real jaguars, dances while he does these things.

Acts on instincts. Neurotic, weird, pizza-loving instincts.

Drools more than should be legally allowed.

 

The Pictures Above

1) Jaguar – Physical: A tiny toy jaguar from the San Antonio zoo. Behind it is a crappy painting I did for my sister.

2) Jaguar – Emotional: A picture of an actual jaguar.

3) Jaguar – Spiritual: A picture from the 4th grade report I did on jaguars. Come back tomorrow to read the report!

4) Jaguar – Bradual: The notebook I used for the report. The 4 stickers were used to cover when I spelled my name wrong.

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