The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘humor’

How Many People Right Now …

Think About It!

  • Think about how many people right now are getting speeding tickets
  • How many people are eating hamburger helper and wondering where they went wrong in their lives
  • Eating hamburger helper and hoping there’s enough for seconds
  • Are trying to work on their Jamaican accent by saying “beer can” in a British accent (which translates to “bacon” in Jamaican)
  • How many are saying “did you hear that?” And someone else is saying, “Shh go back to bed” and then the first one saying, “wow … man, I am super drunk …” and then the second one saying, “yeah, why else would I be here?” and then they both laugh because, really, second one, that first one is WAY out of your league!

Attn: Ellen (2/27/13)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres impressionist

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

You know what I should do more often? Come up with cool new names for people, and introduce them with the phrase, “Hey [name], can I call you [nickname]?”

Let’s try it: Hey Ellen, can I call you Ellentil? You’re like a cool soup lady with that nickname!

I’ll assume yes until I hear from you. Try me on Twitter! @DumbFunnery

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

My Zombie Roomy (2/26/13)

Still no word from the Zombie. Will I find a group of zombies outside my apartment waiting to devour me? Or will they come over and just hang out and smell up my apartment? Who knows! But, there is a positive and negative from this.

If anyone ever talks about slowly going crazy, I’ll be able to relate really well. That’s the positive. On the negative side … Well, everything else, really.

But let’s not dwell on that! Instead, let’s talk about … Bacon flavored popcorn!

Bacon, one of man’s best friends, but the apartment’s worst enemies (that smell lingers like few can). Another smell lingerer? Popcorn!

While the Zombie has been gone I’ve been relishing these forgotten stinks. Yes, I’m afraid for my life AND I sort of miss the goon, but it’s also nice having my apartment not stink like death.

Why am I making my apartment stink, rather than buying flowers or some other good smelling thing? One, flowers cost more than bacon. Two, bacon is delicious and flowers are (probably) not. Three, the transition back to the stink of death will be less painful this way. See, logical and fun!

I’d stay and write more about my potential impending doom … but I have a sudden craving for kimchi!