The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘kangaroo’

Weird Things I Saw in Australia

australia sign fatigue driving

There were LOTS of signs like this along the road from Sydney to Melbourne. Apparently drivers being sleepy is a real problem, so they have a number of different signs emphasizing that you just chill out and take a nap.

kangaroo road sign australia

How cool is that!? It’s like the U.S. equivalent of signs for deer. Also, I saw kangaroo road kill! Which was a mix of sadness and oh-dude-kangaroo-roadkill!!!-ness.

australia road sign funny

There were a number of these signs … Are that many people driving around Australia, unaware until they hit this sign? That’s a frightening concept, because this was in the middle of nowhere.

australia twelve apostles evil wizard

With the beautiful backdrop of the twelve apostles, how could I not pretend I was some sort of evil wizard?

Don’t Tell Me What to Do, Sign!!

kangaroos australia

***

kangaroo hug

Boredom + Photos + Weird Sense of Humor =

 

 

Animal Facts! (Gorilla, Flamingo, Capybara, Kangaroo)

Gorilla

Whenever he’s sad you can bet that these two words will cheer him up: “nudie bar.”

Finds cereal romantically charming.

Dreams of owning an eyeglasses store called, “You Wouldn’t Punch a Guy With Glasses, Would Ya?”

Forgot to read the assignment – but even worse … forgot to come up with an excuse about why he didn’t read the assignment.

Doesn’t do ANYTHING at work. Here’s why: whenever anyone comes up and asks him to do something he says VERY slowly, “I understand what you’re saying … theoretically … but I’m lost in the details. Can we go over it again?” Eventually the person asking gives up.

 

Flamingo

When things get hectic he likes to grab everyone’s attention by yelling, “listen!, LISTEN! … listen?”

Likes to say “Google this” and then point to … it’s not important.

Noble and majestic 90% of the time. The other 10% we won’t get into.

Voted YES on Proposition ‘Replace Yo’ Face.’

Looking back on life, regrets having not more of a ‘je ne sais fromage’ attitude. Also he wishes he knew French.

 

Capybara

When he gets upset he talks to himself – the thing is, he calls himself ‘toots.’

Set Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” song to pictures of the planet Saturn.

Mails himself threatening postcards around Christmas – it’s a holiday tradition.

He’s a know-it-all. And, what makes it worse is that he’s generally correct.

If there was a black, female Bobby Fisher – he would be her soul mate.

 

Kangaroo

Didn’t hear about ‘Where’s Waldo’ books until college, and the first time someone excitedly shouted ‘Where’s Waldo!’ he assumed it was a euphemism.

An old fashioned gun-slinger, but with horribly racist comments instead of bullets.

Considers himself the Fabio of not showering. (This doesn’t mean anything – all you need to know is, if there’s open seating, you don’t want to sit by him.)

Desperately wants to have a friend dating someone from the panhandle in Oklahoma, so he can say, “what’s wrong? Panhandle the relationship?”

Took an online ‘IQ Test’, tried to look up every answer online, and still didn’t ace it. Ouch.

Weekly Wacko (12)

I am the Jaguar
When I was home for Christmas and New Year’s I got to meet up with both sides of the family and hang out. I found out that my Cousin E had never heard of the blog. I was of course quick to post on his facebook account – yes, I’m constantly whoring myself out for this thing.
.
My Cousin E posted a comment on an animal facts post. The comment is: “You know, I’ve always wanted to know about the jaguar. Not the jaguar everyone knows and is intimidated by, but underneath it all, what makes the jaguar tick?”
.
This relates to an odd inside joke of sorts with the family which I’d like to share.

My sister, E$, and I enjoy GOOD questions like, “if you were an animal, what would you be.” Not what you WANT to be, but what you WOULD be. E$ and I debated about this and we came up with answers for our family.

My mom is a kangaroo because she is protective, but can be fierce.
My dad is a beaver because he is very mechanically and do-it-yourself inclined.
My brother is a … well, he doesn’t agree with what we say he is.
My sister is a panda because (this one is more joke-sy) she likes to sleep, and eat.
And according to my mom, I’m a sheep dog because I’m smart and cute.

That winter I ended up going on a short ski trip with my sister and two of her friends. The four of us went out to dinner one night and the question was raised: if you were an animal, what would you be? My sister continued to be the panda (one of her friends at dinner was the one who coined that), and I offered one for myself.

“I’m a jaguar.” BOOM! It’s a fact.
“What?!”
“Uh-uh.”
“No. Sorry, no.”

No one could see my true jaguar self. One of them suggested pigeon, to insult me. We talked back and forth and decided I was a fox. The conversation cracked my sister up because of the immediate and strong “nuh uhs” that came from my saying I was a jaguar. I was shot down, but like the jaguar, I’m a fighter.

This past Thanksgiving my sister and I had dinner with my Cousin E and his wife. Again, I raised the question. After a little while someone asked me what I am (it may have been my sister, who did so deliberately).

“I’m a jaguar.” Still a fact.
“Ehhh …”
“Nah.”

My sister started laughing and again I was foiled. Cousin E and his wife did not know that my past has been RIDDLED, yes RIDDLED, with people not knowing how jaguar-like I really am. But they were quick to shoot down my thought.

A little while after that my sister found an online test, found here, which through nine simple questions lets you know what animal you are. According to them I am an owl.

We all know that’s a lie.

At Christmas I found a report I’d written in the 4th grade on the lovely, the talented, the me, the jaguar. The report is magically bad. Fact after fact comes at you for 2 large font, double spaced pages. My Cousin E said, “it’s like you’re reading the encyclopedia.” We looked on page three of the report, the bibliography, and sure enough the encyclopedia was one of my three sources.

Except this gem of a line: “Other animals are intimidated by the jaguar.”What animal are you?Jaguar Out. 

%d bloggers like this: