The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Poem’

De Jour of the Week (8/4/10)

I saw the headline to get you to click on this CNN video, and the headline was “If a shark Attacks, hit it here.” And yes, I’m pretty sure they had the A capitalized on attacks. No idea why. Anyhow – it inspired this poem.

If a Shark Attacks, Hit it Here

(by Jaws’ cousin, Todd)

The news comes on every day
With the same basic message said in a different way:
Death, struggle, triumphs and tribulations
Caused by taxes, toil, emotional and physical ammunitions.

BUT!
For the short summertime we sharks are in a rut
It’s “shark attack” this and “beach advisory” that
You’ve got this blame-game down pat!

The world continues with its usual woes and wails
But the ‘exclusive-interview-with-the-survivor’ ship sets its sails
A story called ‘In case of shark attack, hit it here’?!?!
But the hit has already been delivered, my dear.

You think I’m all instincts, not intellectually smart –
But I’ve also got a tender, feeling heart –
So the next time you hear, “man fends of shark!”
HARK!
That’s slander!
Please don’t insult me by taking a gander.

Now if you’ll excuse me,
Above me I see
A very slow, long-limbed seal
And he’ll make a delicious meal
(But wait – do seals have long limbs?
Ah well!, like cousin J said, “it’s bound to be delicious if it swims!”)

Oh yeah and I’ve got a Facebook page now called … ready for it?! … “Get Brad Stanley Published.” Join up!!

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De Jour of the Week (7/25/10)

Tomorrow I return to regular work. Bleh. Fotima and I threw in “Real Genius” and she said, at the title screen where you select to play movie or for specific chapters, “this looks dangerously nerdy.” Heck yes.

Vending Machine Wisdom (or Vending Machine Whore)

I have a simple recipe
For which you’ll soon thank me

Your boss is going to have a meeting,
(They’re always kind of a beating)
So, naturally, it’ll be better if you’re eating!

Do like me –
Act stupidly.
Seek respite
With a sugar-filled bite.

If your day is dragging, just mix
The dullness with some Dunkin Stix.

Keep out the paddle-piddle,
Pop in your mouth a delicious Skittle.

The intern gave you the finger?
Ignore it, and eat a Zinger.

Since there’s that meeting you can’t skip,
Bring your friend and mine, the Sun Chip.

If you’re a more health-conscious snacker
You can have a (lame)non-frosted Animal Cracker

Don’t let that report linger,
Treat yourself to a Butterfinger!

The email you’re reading is painfully dumb,
Time to taste the terrible sugary goodness of Zebra Stripe gum.

A thousand ‘atta boys’ aren’t worth an ‘awwww shit!’
So you’re hiding in the bathroom with a Whatchamacallit.

‘Oh no, this is wrong, wrong, wrong!’
Your angry stare goes soft … can I have that Ding Dong?

Soon you’ll be Mr. (or Mrs.) Productivity!
And after your insulin shot you’ll smile proudly!

With a sugar rush your day is less of a bore,
So do like me, become a vending machine whore!

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De Jour of the Week (7/15/10)

An Ode to the Stain on My Shirt

Oh, mighty stain!
I do wonder from whence you came!
Rarely do I eat curry
And I hope I’m wrong, but you appear a bit furry
That bloody nose must’ve drip, drip, dropped
My pulled pork missed my mouth and instead plopped

Oh, mighty stain!
You cause wonder, and disdain
The heat causes me to sweat just so
And chocolate melts and drips, you know
I should’ve avoided sliding in the grass
My clumsy hands spilled that wine from its glass

Oh, mighty stain!
What magical wash-proof forces do you contain?
Biting a juice box can cause it to spill
Old pens are neat, but beware a drippy quill
Meatballs go on top of spaghetti, which apparently goes on top of me
If your hands have dirt, wipe them on your shirt to be germ-free

Oh, mighty stain!
You scoff at the likes of Tide, All and Gain
Whoops – I spilled coffee on this admiring refrain.

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