The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘chocolate’

Attn: Ellen (10/12/11)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

I just returned from my first trip to Europe!

Europe!!

Land of wonder, and beer, and chocolate, and such history!

And now source for the next batch of postcards since I bought a crap ton while there. Sorry, Europe.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. How. Are. You?!

De Jour of the Week (7/15/10)

An Ode to the Stain on My Shirt

Oh, mighty stain!
I do wonder from whence you came!
Rarely do I eat curry
And I hope I’m wrong, but you appear a bit furry
That bloody nose must’ve drip, drip, dropped
My pulled pork missed my mouth and instead plopped

Oh, mighty stain!
You cause wonder, and disdain
The heat causes me to sweat just so
And chocolate melts and drips, you know
I should’ve avoided sliding in the grass
My clumsy hands spilled that wine from its glass

Oh, mighty stain!
What magical wash-proof forces do you contain?
Biting a juice box can cause it to spill
Old pens are neat, but beware a drippy quill
Meatballs go on top of spaghetti, which apparently goes on top of me
If your hands have dirt, wipe them on your shirt to be germ-free

Oh, mighty stain!
You scoff at the likes of Tide, All and Gain
Whoops – I spilled coffee on this admiring refrain.

De Jour of the Week (7/5/10)

In middle school we were given ‘agendas’ or weekly schedule-keeper-thingies.  In the margins of these I’d write nonsense notes to friends, actual class notes/things about homework, and sometimes poems or short-short stories. This was a poem I wrote sometime around Christmas in 8th grade.

Twas the night before X-Mas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring.
Except dad’s spouse.
She was up for one thing
An’ it wasn’t one a Tim’s late night rings.

But dad didn’t wake up,
Nor did the pup.
Mom was out the door,
An’ on the creaky floor.

Still no one came bout’
So mom must notta been that lout.
Down the stairs she’d gone,
Hours before dawn.

She turned on the kitchen lights
So she’d have her seein’ rights.
She went to a cabinet,
To look for it.

Oh no! Eee gat! It’s all gone,
She’ll have to find out who ate it at dawn.
She returned upstairs,
Her eyes in evil glares.

In the bedroom, dad was awakened
An he had something home-bak-ed.
Mom lunged at him,
For the little tin.

But to mom’s dismay it was already eaten.
And for that, dad was thoroughly beaten.

What would be so tasty and great?
Underneath that little cabinet?
Only mom has such cravings,
That can also result in mad ravings.

Can you tell me what I speak of?
Naturally it’s CHOCOLATE of variety dove

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