The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Poem’

An Ode to Bad Jokes

Yes, there it is … my old inviting friend
This conversational lull may be the end
Because, after my joke (which may offend)
The conversation may well be deadened

The attention is mine!
The story, the delivery, is fine …
And then! And then … the um, oh shoot, uh … what’s the punchline?
I’ll stutter gibberish while I hope to divine …

Um, well, it’s funny … I’m pretty sure
I can’t remember that one but I have more!
Do I know a word stronger than ‘abhor’?
Well, that’s just uncalled for

But, it’s genetic you see
Get me around my family and it’s painfully,
Oh, so, SO painfully,
Clear to (escaping) you and me

There’s no other sound
To which I am bound
Like the lovely sound
My jokes bring around

“……..Ugh.”
Meanwhile, my grinning mug,
(You’d think I’d feel like a lug
But bad humor and I are quite snug)
So, we shrug,
And at this joke continue to plug

Yes, my humor may bring a groan
But your little grin while you bemoan
Is to all so clearly shown
So these bad jokes, you condone

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An Ode to New Year’s Resolutions

It’s nice to look to New Year’s Resolutions
As providing “I’ll get to it tomorrow” solutions
But look fast, my friend,
Last year is at an end
That means your resolutions start now
Give them a shot before you disavow

This year – an early bedtime every night!
You’ll be alert and awake and oh-so-bright!
But … that one show’s on late tonight …
And coffee can keep work all right

Ok, well, there’s working out every day!
Co-workers will see me and not know what to say
I’ll need protein with my work-outs, in the form of fillet
But, to properly prepare a fillet
You really need all day
So in my kitchen preparing, and snacking, I will stay!
Besides, working out resolutions are so passé

Eating better, though, that I … I …
Well, I mean, I can try …
(I’m saying that with a sigh
As I kiss Oreos, Doughnuts, and happiness goodbye)

RESOLUTIONS UPDATED!
Life’s too short to be un-sated
Be nice to people, animals, and the planet
As for the rest, roll with it

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Ode to Memes

Just as a note, this poem could’ve gone on forever. I did this just for kicks and worked in some of these that amuse me far too much. You sit there, and you think of yourself as a somewhat intelligent person, and then four hours later you realize you’re not (as you’re clicking on yet another dumb video/picture/whatever).

Lastly, if you don’t know what a meme is, you will soon.

Ode to Memes

I can has definition?

A meme is an image, video, etc. that is on a mission

Passed from one person to another til it’s reached your vision

And like Rebecca Black’s Friday

I think it’s here to stay

If you think you understand the meme

It’s not as simple as it may seem

Chemistry Cat can’t help you

Neither can Sad Keanu

You can question the philoosraptor

But he’ll just Rick-Roll you once more

“All your time are belong to us!” the memes say

Y U No realize you’ve just wasted another day?

So just fuuuuuu it

Because like the Loituma Girl it’ll stick despite no wit

(Oh, was that so bad that you want to pick up a bat?

Then you probably don’t want to meet the Nyan Cat)

Yes, internet, it’s to your stupidity that I tip my hat,

Now play me off Keyboard Cat!

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