The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘prank’

Doctor’s Last Day

Nurse: Doctor! He’s waking up from his coma!
Patient: …Huh? Wha?
Doctor: Young man, welcome back.
Patient: Uh … What?
Doctor: You were in a coma. For two. Hundred. Years.
Patient: WHAT!?
Doctor: Nah, just kidding, like 3 weeks.


As we all know, the Hippocratic oath is designed to keep doctors from being a-holes, and instead having them focus on helping us. Also their medical training is part of that purpose too. But don’t you think, on their last day of work, all doctors would like to have a little fun?


Doctor: Now, what brings you here today Miss Johnson?
Patient: It hurts right here. Like when I push.
Doctor: Ok, let me see. Does this hurt?
Patient: No.
Doctor: This?
Patient: No.
Doctor: This? Oh … wait, hmmm.
Patient: What?
Doctor: This is … interesting. Have you ever had a kidney stone?
Patient: No? I don’t think so?
Doctor: This is … incredible. You have had so many kidney stones that … It feels … Yes, it feels as though they’ve grown together into one giant thing, essentially giving you another bone.
Doctor: Eh, probably not. You’ve just got rock hard abs, buddy.


Of the countless well-regarded doctors who read my blog for information both professional and personal, do you have any stories that are just like this? Please leave them in the comments!


Doctor: How are you enjoying those pancakes?
Patient: … Uh … You mean … This soup?
Doctor: … Nurse?
Nurse: Yes doctor?
Doctor: (Whispers)
Patient: … What’s going on? This … is … soup.
Doctor: (Heavy sigh.)

My Zombie Roomy (10/31/13)

You’d think I was a bad roommate, or at least oblivious, based on how little I’ve written about the Zomb. I don’t really have an excuse for the lack of updates … But I promise they will be coming soon (like Monday of next week). Yes, that’s right, Monday will have part 2 of the Great Zombino and I’s Smelly Brush With Death (at least my brush with death, seeing as how he is already fully coated in it).

Today I want to brag about myself though, and what an awesome roommate I am.

There is a drive in movie theatre not too terribly far from where I live and they are showing three horror movies tonight – a Halloween special. As a special gift to my buddy, my pal, we are going there tonight. He doesn’t know it yet but it’s true.

This is a gift for the Zombie for several reasons:

1) He doesn’t have to hide his stink or what he looks like – people will just think it’s a killer costume (Halloween is his favorite holiday, after all … see here, here, or here, oh or here …)

2) He gets to be admired for his amazing costume

3) (Most importantly) We get to wreck some dates! Awesome! The Zombino loves a good joke, so I am sure he will manage to sneak up on some unsuspecting promiscuous minded teenagers out to see some horror movies (Oh I’m so scared … Here I’ll hold you …) and he is going to foul up their plans with his impressive stench.

Happy Halloween everyone!

You would be absolutely right, on both accounts. But that’s for next week.

We Can’t Keep Meeting Like This, Batman – Weekly Wacko (68)

We Can’t Keep Meeting Like This, Batman

When I was in the fourth/fifth grade I got an awesome gift.

One of those blow-up three or four feet tall punching bags with sand at the bottom. You know the ones. One of the Ninja Turtles messed around with one of them in the second Ninja Turtles movie. Go to about 5:15 in.

My air-filled punching bag had Batman on it! Awesome!

It was Batman, dressed in his costume, standing somewhere (probably on a building), and it was nighttime. And his eyes were these perfectly white rectangular slits.

When you would walk in my room at night the punching-bag looked creepy because you could see the outline of the basic shape, a little bit of the picture on the bag, and Batman’s white slits/eyes.

Not long after I received this gift I was having trouble sleeping. Not just trouble sleeping, but consistent trouble sleeping. I would wake up nearly every night and toss and turn for a while before finally being able to fall back asleep.

I decided to play a prank on myself.

I set the punching bag right beside my bed, with Batman’s face looking towards me. With any luck I would wake up, freak myself out, laugh, then go back to sleep (this is fourth grade boy logic).

It worked perfectly!

I woke up – freaked out and yelped (it is not comforting to wake up with two slits/eyes staring down over you in your bed), then pushed the bag away, having completely forgotten that I had done this to myself. Naturally, the bag goes down, then …

When the bag came back up I didn’t fight but this time backed into, slammed into, rammed into, my wall.

Then, I remembered.

Had anyone else done this prank to me I would’ve been furious.

“I couldn’t sleep at all last night! And you totally creeped me out! And you’re stupid! And blah!”

But I just laughed. And laughed. And wasn’t that funny how perfectly it worked out?

I tried doing this trick to myself a bunch of other times but I never got anywhere close to the results I had that magical night.

I guess it’s like they say, “fool me once Batman watching over me in my sleep, shame on you. Fool me twice? I’m such a weirdo.”

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