3/30/10
The zombie is craaaaazy for Natasha Bedingfield. How funny is that? Don’t get me wrong, I really like singing along with that “I love you I love you I love youuuu” song, but still, that was surprising to see the Zombie looking up Natasha Bedingfield on Google images.
(I’m a guy’s guy but … come on, that’s adorable.)
I’m trying to get back into jogging. After I finish a few things I’m heading out to jog! The weather is awesome out – so how can I not go jogging right now? But really, there’s a Papa Johns by me which means I eat Papa Johns regularly now because MAN that smells so good.
3/29/10
Get FIT!
OK self, you can do this
No … not strong enough, you CAN DO THIS!
Mentally psyched? Check.
Physically psyched? Not check.
Every time I think about starting to work out
I think about that vacation in 4 weeks and how that’ll cause a productivity drought
“I’ll be in the swing of things, then vacation will derail me!” I pout,
‘Working out will just have to be put off’ I think, ‘about it there is no doubt.’
I shake it off and think, no, no, you can do this
That’s right – you CAN DO THIS!
Oh wait, my sneakers are in such bad shape
I’ll get blisters and then my foot I’ll have to tape
You see, that’s yet another plausible escape
Forget that! bring on a wicked blister!
Well … No … Don’t bring on a wicked blister
But bring on the workout, no more excuses, mister!/ (not to be sexist)sister!
Yes, I’m shaking it off – I know I can do this
Yeah, I said it, I said I know I CAN DO THIS!
My workout clothes on, I’m starting to stretch
I feel gross already. Does jogging go with a lunch of tex-mex?
Ignore the voices inside my head
Also, ignore my body which is thinking of my bed
My comfortable, comfortable, non-judgmental bed …
No! Stop that! who can do this?
Um? … I? … Can do this?
Uh oh, I’m losing steam
Would taking a nap in work-out clothes be some gym-rat blaspheme?
Quiet, self, picture rock hard abs!
Then picture me being in decent enough shape to date someone with rock hard abs!
I guess … yeah … I guess you can do this?
Yeah! … yeah! … I can probably do this!
I’m out the door, no more thinking!
(Plus I’ve decided my reward for this ‘workout’ will be that buffet for all-you-can-eating-and-drinking)
Yes, dear self, work out some then you can make yourself into stuffing
400 calories burned!
2000 calories earned!!!
Yeah, I can do totally do this
Eyes on the prize and I CAN DO THIS!
Oh sweet Lord what is that glorious smell?
Every neighbor is out cooking – burgers, steak, pizza! – this is hell
You’re taunting me, world
My plan you want unfurled!
Quick, run away from those … do I smell a bakery? … NO! I CAN DO THIS!
I think I’m … yes … I’m actually doing this!
Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!
Kitty
Own a, I kid you not, a 400 dollar pair of sun glasses.
Just tried on some jeans and all anyone can say is ‘oh, baby.’
Just because he called his friend delicious doesn’t mean he’s gay. He just looked delicious.
Tell people they recycle, but they don’t.
Have the most adorable sneeze.
Raccoon
Have more rhymes than California’s got cops.
Accidentally slapped a date in the face when trying to do the ‘yawn/arm around the shoulder move.’
The very definition of humble.
If you go for a jog and hurt yourself, and this guy comes jogging by? He’ll offer to pick you up and carry you to help. Honest, nicest guy you’ll ever meet.
Once went to a bar and was not slapped OR laughed at after saying, ‘I’ll give you seventy and you can owe me one.’
Rhinoceros
Sexy doesn’t even begin to describe.
If you see one of these guys in a short skirt, call your accountant and invest in gold bonds.
You can say anything you want to these guys, as long as you make it rhyme. For example, “I hate your stupid face, I need a flower vase.” They’ll find this perfectly acceptable.
Love trashy beach romance novels.
Has boots that are made for walkin.’
Sambava Tomato Frog
Has been to Georgia several times but has never fiddle-battled the Devil.
Is a wiz at spelling backwards.
Just hacked into your computer.
Thought ‘being a card counter’ meant they were good at making sure there are 52 cards in a deck.
Does really cool sound affects. Even if you don’t think sound affects are cool, you’d think her sound affects are.
***
Also check this out. My sister told me she saw that at a store, and it’s basically the same thing as my ‘Animal Facts!’ posts. Kind of a bummer that some dude’s off and published for the same crap I’m doing. To be fair he published his book August 2009, so he came up with this odd/stupid idea before I did. Nevertheless, it’s a bummer it’s not me. (Unless, reader, you are that author or one of his friends, in which case help me out?!!)
Ellen, where are you!!!? (To explain … in the ‘… Please?’ section I state my hope of having a drunken intern of Ellen’s ‘discover’ me and get me on her show.)
(Oh and these are all pictures I’ve taken. So take that fancy pants published author.)
DumbFunnery 