DumbFunnery

With my thus far failings at being a well-liked tourist I decided to pretend I am from another country. Here’s my back-story.

I was born in South Africa but shipped to Wales as a small child. I spent ages 2 – 8 there but my mom never really adjusted to the weather. That’s when catastrophe struck – she was hit by a rogue boat that drifted on shore. This sad story will earn their affection for me, and excuse any of my rudeness. The more I tell the story, the more distance I will add to the amount that the boat drifted on shore. I’m curious just how illogical it will have to be before my lie is challenged.

I was then shipped off to a “diction school for boys”, a secret coverup where I actually became a spy. I imagine when I tell people that I learned to be a spy they’ll give me a funny look, so I’ll laugh in a disarming way and say, “oh I’ve long since retired. The economy, huh?”

At this point I’ll hop back into my life story. After the spy game was over, I became a photography teacher at a prestigious middle school. Then I’ll grin ruefully (yes, ruefully – when in Europe you grin ruefully). I’ll say, “I don’t actually know anything about photography!” Then I’ll wink and this stranger will be in on my little secret.

I’m not sure how this sweet back-story will work in a city like Copenhagen, but I’ve been drinking and it seems like a brilliant, flawless plan.