The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

De Jour of the Week (3/21/11)

Expectoration’s on Expectations

There have been many mental simulations
Of achieving wonderful expectations
Oh, what lovely visualizations
Of heartfelt congratulations
And not a dash of “what next?”

You work hard at it
To make the goal reality and not a skit
The goal is here, it’s reached!, you’re a hit!
But only one phrase matters, to wit:
“What next?”

Catch your breath, wait a tick
There’s got to be some sort of trick
Is there an off-switch to flick?
Your expectations are a real dick
And this dick’s name-tag says: “Hi! My name is: WHAT NEXT?”

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De Jour of the Week (3/14/11)

Recently I went to a surprise party. I flew out to see my sister for her birthday, and my visiting was a surprise. And THEN, the next night we had a big drinkfest/private karaoke room and that was a surprise. It was fun.

On the second night, we all got there before my sister and there was a short debate about what to yell. “Surprise!” and “Happy Birthday!” were two pretty sound options. It got me thinking though …

 

GOOD Things to Have Yelled at You at a Surprise Party

Happy birthday!

Congratulations on your promotion!!

(Some crazy TV show) built you this house!!!

Naked ladies!!!!

Ice cream for everybody!!!!!

 

 

BAD Things to Have Yelled at You at a Surprise Party

Cannibalism!

Free baby!!

Fran Drescher Audio Books!!!

Court Appointed Therapy!!!!

Vasectomy!!!!!

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De Jour of the Week (2/7/11)

With some changes at work I have a new boss (my ‘tech lead’). He has a pony-tail! I don’t know why men with pony-tails make me giggle, but they do. He seems like a super smart, nice guy, so that’s cool. But that didn’t stop me from writing this dumb poem.

Ode to My Pony-Tail Boss

Life comes
and life goes
But your pony-tail
ever grows

Men may mock
and women gander
All the while the pony-tail
gets ever grander

Oh!
I picture you sprinting!
Hair flying behind
in the sun glinting!

Does your intellectual prowess
from there derive?
You’ve unlocked
warp-hair-speed drive

His and her sinks
his and her closets
Both you and your wife
make pony-tail holder deposits

I wonder
when you were a boy
Did you have a rat-tail
with dreams of pony-tail joy?

When morale is low
will you say with a smile
“I’ll do pig tails to cheer you up,
“Just for a little while”

Now this poem comes to a close
my boss is looking uncomfortable
I’ve been staring at him and debating
giving his hair a pull

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