The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

Update on the Home Front

With the wife being out of town, the normal routine has been disturbed. But no matter, I can roll with the flow look few can. Here, let me share some updates!

  • I live three doors down from a cop. I have been loitering outside by his car touching his car. So far nothing has come of this. But that’s probably for the best, because I’ve yet to establish a joke to go along with this setup.
  • Given: your wife has a couple plants she is desperately trying to get to the point where they are full-fledged grown-up plants and Given: your wife has named these plants names like “Carlos” and “Grumpus” … How annoyed will you be when you stage fake picture pictures of a murder-suicide using Carlos and Grumpus? Answer forthcoming.
  • Recently a neighbor kid came by the kitchen window in the backyard and scared the crap out of me. With the house to myself I have taken to rolling my shorts up so that it looks like a diaper (it’s simple to do with running shorts, just pull up on the sides and tuck them in). Come on by neighbor kid, let’s see who’s scared now.
  • Did you know cartoons are still enjoyable? Did you know working, then coming home and watching four hours of cartoons until it’s time for bed three days in a row is less enjoyable? Because I’M WELL AWARE.

Wish the wife luck folks, she gets back soon.

Illuminating? Nah.

Screen Shot 2016-04-05 at 8.06.18 PM

I took the transcript of Trump’s interview with the Washington Post editorial board and I narrowed it down to just Trump’s answers. I thought, ‘this will be really interesting!’ Is it? Mildly.

In the course of the interview, Trump said 9,213 words. Above are the top 50 most commonly used. The word ‘don’t’ was actually the most used, but the tool I used is apparently a piece of junk and can’t handle contractions.

A few thoughts!

  • A challenge to you, dear reader, take these 50 words and make them into a story. (Below, see my attempt!)
  • No joke, one of the 50 most commonly used words in that interview … was Trump!
  • Think was most used (87 times), then people (71), don’t (75 times)
  • Actually was only used 19 times, which surprised me (I could’ve sworn he said that every sentence)

 

Here is the Trump interview, using only those 50 words.

Okay Baltimore person, start? Oh.
Everybody send stories, read, writes thought … talking jobs done different, create change.
Problem: People probably saying China bad.
Trump think screaming American spending million troops work really tremendous.
Deal.
Money things win world, country. Building example happened.
Heard guy hands going give better something? Lot!

My (Prairie) Dogs Are Barking

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A few weeks ago my wife and I were driving home and we saw one, two, three … I have no idea how many, but a bunch of prairie dogs! How cool!

A few days later we headed out on our bikes. I was convinced I’d be able get a good close-up picture of these little buggers.

Apparently, though, cars don’t cause those guys to sound the alarm … but bikers, joggers and walkers do. Try as I might, I couldn’t get nearly as close as I was when zipping by them in my car.

I don’t know which intrepid prairie dogs were the first ones to take up home next to a busy road, but they have learned to think nothing of cars. When you think about it, that’s a pretty crazy and intelligent step for them. Was it a quick step? Or was the first family of prairie dogs that lived near a road a family that was constantly on edge? Constantly out chirping at each other,

“Alan! Steve! Get back in here! There’s trouble afoot! … Oh it’s gone. Ok nevermind. WAIT! NO! Trouble afoot again! Wait, gone ag – IT’S B … Ok, gone. NO!”

You get the idea.

DumbFunnery.com will kindly allow you to buy me a fancy camera so I can get a great picture from a distance. Really, I don’t mind at all. Buy me one. It’s totally cool.