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Archive for the ‘My Zombie Roomy’ Category

My Zombie Roomy (10/4/11)

Remember a while back when I mentioned how for the first time I saw the Zombie eat in my apartment? I had thought it might be bad. Turns out I was right.

I come back from my vacation and I notice two things. One, the Zombie appears to have gained forty pounds (maybe he stayed thin before because he didn’t have a good place to go eat?). And two, slightly more unsettling, there’s a part of a corpse on my kitchen table.

(On the plus side I finally found a use for the massive amounts of junk mail I get. I put it down so the Zombie won’t get the table bloody.)

It’s crazy how much weight he gained! I made a comment, which was rude of me, but I asked the Zombie when the baby was due and he appeared to not like the comment. I can tell you this with some amount of certainty because he ate part of my favorite Playstation 3 game, and he knew exactly what he was doing.

I apologized and he left.

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My Zombie Roomy

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My Zombie Roomy (9/15/11)

In light of my theoretically romantically involved Zombie roommate, I wanted to learn more about Zombie dating rituals.

I couldn’t find anything via, well, anything, so I turned to my (and everyone’s) favorite – fuzzy logic. I’ll use myself as the benchmark.

First, let’s take the facts.

I like food. The Zombie likes food.

I play video games or sports or watch movies when I’m bored. The Zombie stares listlessly. Or he eats humans.

When I’m upset I want to be alone (but really I also want people to reach out and try nice things). When the Zombie is upset he disappears for a few days (presumably to eat people).

When I like a girl I think about her and try (too hard) to be funny. When the Zombie likes a girl he gets batteries, sunglasses and condoms from Target.

See? Fuzzy logic! You’re with me, right?

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My Zombie Roomy

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My Zombie Roomy (8/25/11)

The Zombie came home today with this sneaky little grin on his face that was … ok fine I’ll say it – it was adorable. It feels weird to say that about a guy, let alone an undead guy, but it’s the truth.

Anyhow – he was carrying a bag from Target, sort of swinging it around happily like you can’t help but do sometimes when you’ve got a bag from a candy shop.

I pointed to the bag and said, “mind if I …” and he got the picture. He held the bag out, opened it up, and I glanced in.

It was at this point that I remembered my roommate is not a normal, boyish fellow with a bag but a Zombie (with a bag).

Thankfully, the contents were not Zombie snacks, though they were weird:

  • Pack of D Batteries
  • Sunglasses
  • A box of condoms

I have nothing to support this but I think the Zombie had a date tonight!!

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My Zombie Roomy

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