The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘My Zombie Roomy’ Category

My Zombie Roomy (10/30/12)

“Trick or treaaaaaat!”

CHOMP!

Tomorrow is going to be a big day for the Zombie. Careful when you open your door, you may be opening a buffet unknowingly.

No, I’m just kidding. I’m pretty sure the Zombie is a total ham (for example, see last year here or here) and loves to go around during Halloween ‘season’ and hear people say, “oh duuuude! That is an AWESOME costume!” Although if people get close, I would imagine they would then quickly add, in their head, “wow, you’re dedicated. You really do stink like death.”

To, in a sense, pre-treat this situation … I’ve been having the Zombie drink some of my laundry detergent. He’s Springtime Fresh … to death. Ah ha ha. So funny.

From the Zombie and I, happy Halloween!

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My Zombie Roomy

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My Zombie Roomy (10/8/12)

The food list. The much anticipated (artistic liberties are my favorite) list. Well, “list.” The list is really more a set of rules.

I think they are good rules, and I’m definitely open to improvements. (Although to be honest the Zombie has been following these rules for about 2 weeks already and when it comes to eating people it’s hard to call take-backs …)

Please feel free to pass on your thoughts for more Zombino rules! Without further ado …

  1. I can’t name someone specific. (Like, say, when that guy flipped me off AND slowed down to curse at me when I was jogging and dude, come on, I had the little white ‘walk now’ guy. Jerk.)
  2. It can’t be a red head. (This one isn’t for me, it’s just that the Zombie has some weird affinity for red heads. I have tried to figure out if he was one himself … but I haven’t had any luck on that campaign. Besides, red heads have it tough enough as is. And I’m part of the problem.
  3. If Oprah, Ellen, and Clifford sat down with this person even they would think evil thoughts. CLIFFORD, guys, come on. That’s a good test.
  4. It has to be someone with a fighting chance. This is for the person’s sake and the Zombie’s (in romance you always want to have a little chase … and like I said before, this is the Zombie’s romance). Also, come on, it’s just not fair to pick on someone who doesn’t have a shot. Also, if some sort of zombie apocalypse happens wouldn’t the first time you see a zombie kill someone set you into action much faster if the zombie attack was like a fight scene from a movie? This is for your sake, too.
  5. Not me!! (Selfish, but a good real.)

That’s it for the rules. Hopefully I don’t have any glaring gaps.

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My Zombie Roomy (10/5/12)

This is going to seem very wrong. Well, it is very wrong. I’m sort of playing God here, and while part of me likes the sensation (SUCH POWER!!!), part of me knows that I am creeping myself out.

At first I was disgusted and ashamed. But by the end of it, well, I had put on a silly hat, a bathrobe over my work clothes, and a fake name tag that said, “call me … Ishmael.”

What was I working on that led to this? This list. This … food list.

I have never been a fan of the Zombie’s eating habits, because I don’t particularly like it when people come to an untimely end. Especially an untimely end via unbrushed teeth. Can you imagine? Super gross.

BUT … Stay with me here … Some people are worse than others. Again, who am I to judge? But, then again, who else will advise the Zombie? Is someone who teaches children, greets everyone with a smile, and is a doting father better than a creepy certain someone who has two dogs who howl all night and when asked if they could maybe do something about it responds, ‘I guess I could, but I won’t’? Who is to say?

I mean, who’s to say … hypothetically. Because, obviously, I have said.

Ok. I’m back to being disgusted with myself. I’ll write more about this later when I’m feeling less like the devil. On the positive side: cliffhanger! Who doesn’t love/hate a good cliffhanger?

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My Zombie Roomy

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