DumbFunnery

Have you seen the bumper sticker “who rescued who?”

The idea is that by rescuing a dog from a shelter you are the one obviously doing the rescue … But this sticker asks a much more deep and emotional question, wondering if it really WAS you who rescued the dog. Or, perhaps because the dog has dragged you from a burning house while you were unconscious after a night of excessive drinking that would make a coked-up investment banker blush, it has turned out that the dog has rescued you.

But then, fueled by a massive ego and inflated feelings of self-worth, your dog may begin to demand sacrifice. Not one or two but ten walks a day. Not just kibbles and bits but things too. And possibly even stuff! Kibbles and bits and things and such add up, and with your rehab costs … can you afford it all? (The night of excess was your rock bottom, and your rescued dog/savior was your guiding light to taking a good, hard look at your life).

That’s right, Rover, without me this stuff might as well be a figment of your imagination.

In this case perhaps a “mutually rescued” bumper sticker would be the way to go. Or you could stick with “who rescued who” but next to that add a second sticker to let your pet know who is in charge. “Can open cans” text imposed over a human form (that would be you) or a hand print (to stick with the theme of appendages).

Yes, you and your adorable pet are both grateful for the other. But just know that your cat doesn’t give a flying funky about any of that.