The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

The First Thirty Thoughts I Would Have, In Order, If A UFO Landed in Front of Me

March 22, 2011

*Fwoosh – The Ship Appears*

1 – Holy crap.
2 – Dang!, wish I had my camera!
3 – Can I out-run my friends?
4 – What if they eat the fastest one of us?
5 – Can I out-run the aliens?
6 – Hopefully they won’t try and eat us.
7 – Dang I should’ve had that third doughnut!
8 – Nah they won’t kill us.
9 – I’m going to die and have wasted a doughnut!
10 – Oh man!
11 – What if they stink?
12 – What if they’re super intelligent.
13 – Incredibly kind.
14 – Can solve all our problems.
15 – But stink horribly?
16 – Does the UN have a stink-council?
17 – They will soon.
18 – I wonder what their language will sound like.
19 – What if they all sound like Ray Romano?
20 – Smelly, Ray Romano aliens.
21 – What if it turns out to be God, and He’s been cruising around and found a bunch of utopias and realized He should’ve spent, oh I don’t know, a week-and-a-half making us instead of a week.
22 – I should start to dance.
23 – “Welcome to Earth … check this out, it’s called ‘the white chocolate.'”
24 – If they land and probe me, I’m going to feel kinda bad for having laughed when I heard people saying that kind of thing.
25 – Although, it’s still kinda funny.
26 – Space Pervs! Hahaha. Sounds like a good spoof superhero flick.
27 – I should blog about that.
28 – Oh crap the door is opening …
29 – Is my last thought really going to be about blogging?
30 – Man I really wish I’d eaten that doughnut.

*Kablooey*

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Short Short Stories

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De Jour of the Week (3/21/11)

March 21, 2011

Expectoration’s on Expectations

There have been many mental simulations
Of achieving wonderful expectations
Oh, what lovely visualizations
Of heartfelt congratulations
And not a dash of “what next?”

You work hard at it
To make the goal reality and not a skit
The goal is here, it’s reached!, you’re a hit!
But only one phrase matters, to wit:
“What next?”

Catch your breath, wait a tick
There’s got to be some sort of trick
Is there an off-switch to flick?
Your expectations are a real dick
And this dick’s name-tag says: “Hi! My name is: WHAT NEXT?”

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Du Jour of the Week

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Quotes of the Day!

March 18, 2011

My buddy Katie, over at hereiamstillintact.blogspot.com did a pretty fun book review where she talked about a few books she just read. Wellllll, inspired by Miss Katie I decided to throw in a little ‘review’ section for this book.

The book? Fight Club. You know … like that movie, Fight Club. Honestly, if you’ve seen the flick, you’re set. That said, I enjoy the movie and there are some interesting differences in the book … but overall I’d say the book is VERY similar. There are a few good lines (of the snarky, darkish variety) which weren’t in the movie, so I’ve got them here for you …

Fight Club (Novel) Quotes

Now, according to the ancient Chinese custom we all learned from television, Tyler is responsible for Marla, forever, because Tyler saved Marla’s life.

Besides, I’m enlightened now. You know, only Buddha-style behavior. Spider chrysanthemums. The Diamond Sutra and the Blue Cliff Record. Hari Rama, you know, Krishna, Krishna. You know, Enlightened.

Tyler lies back and asks, “If Marilyn Monroe was alive right now, what would she be doing?”
I say, goodnight.
The headliner hangs down in shreds from the ceiling, and Tyler says, “Clawing at the lid of her coffin.”

The door to my boss’s office is always closed now, and we haven’t traded more than two words any day since he found the fight club rules in the copy machine and I maybe implied I might gut him with a shotgun blast. Just me clowning around, again.

I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God’s got this all wrong.
We are not special.
We are not crap or trash, either.
We just are.
We just are, and what happens just happens.
And God says, “No, that’s not right.”
Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can’t teach God anything.

***

The BEST part of the book, to me (and maybe I was having a downer-day), was the afterword (written in 2005). In it the author talks about what inspired Fight Club and his attempts to get it published. Sometimes I enjoy the story of, say, Dr. Seuss being rejected 27 times before being published, kind of story.

Also, it’s just fun to see how someone thinks. Especially if that someone has managed to entertain you through written word.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight_Club_%28film%29

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Quotes of the Day!

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