The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘awkward silence’

Happy Thanksgiving!! – IMPLOSIONS!

I did an audio recording where I pretended to find romance and then (gasp!) it turned out to be me calling for ‘Frank, from the TSA’ and I had thought of him because I’d just gone to the bathroom and found a latex glove.

Now that’s COMEDY!

Unfortunately you have to pay a bit extra to do an audio post, so instead here are some pictures.

My senior year of college some friends and I drove from Dallas, Texas to Las Vegas, Nevada. Otherwise known as VEGAS BABY! While there we were delighted to learn that there was going to be an IMPLOSION!

The Star Dust Resort and Casino was imploded on March 13th, 2007 around 2:33 am. Only in Vegas would an implosion become a must-see show taking place at 2:30 am.

Again, VEGAS BABY!

The Hotel

Other people were also excited about this

Pre-KaBOOM Show (1/2)

Pre-KaBOOM Show (2/2)

Let the smoke clear before …

My pictures of the actual implosion sucked – but this guys vid is cool

You could maybe tell the cloud of … doom … moved quickly

Very, very quickly …

Notice the smart guy with the mask on. Right after the implosion I was still standing there awed by the awesome-ness of it, but everyone else is putting on masks, or covering their mouths with something …

Vegas = Drinking. Vegas + Implosion = Ruh Roh.

Some random car (and this parking lot was a ways off)

What a handsome young man (frightening)

It’s kind of fun until you realize that’s building covering my face/hair/body/throat. Thankfully, again, it was Vegas – so we weren’t the dirtiest people around.

Fine – since it’s a Vegas post – here’s some nudity.

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Attn: Ellen (11/24/10)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

I got this postcard in … well, New Orleans, Louisiana.

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

It’s Thanksgiving-time, which I am excited about.

You know, America has always had a certain bravado which is pretty cool, and Thanksgiving shows more of it.

So shove off obesity as a national epidemic, and hand me more pie!

Wearing Sweatpants,
GetBradStanleyPublished.com

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Attn: Ellen

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De Jour of the Week (11/23/10)

Where’s My Doe-Eyed Look and Legs That Go for Days?

I’m not about to write a dissertation
About getting out of a citation
With some harmless, mindless (‘I wasn’t flirting! … Oh! I guess I was flirting …’) flirtation
But my inability to do this does cause me some irritation

When those lights flash behind me my first thought is: aggravation
Followed by: frustration
With, I’ll admit, some four-letter words uttered with some not so small amount of exaggeration
While you of the fairer sex probably practice batting your eyes in the same situation

And then the cop sits in his car for what seems a sudden-onset two-week vacation
Taking my annoyance/worry/fear past their limitation
Seriously – did he pull me over then notice a tear in his seams so he then quickly pulled out his ever-handy pocket-sewing kit for some minor alteration
Others, I won’t point fingers, sit confident, waiting to exercise their skilled craft of subtle insinuation

Next the cop walks SLOWLY toward my car – viewing it and me under close inspection
I sit thinking of laws I’ve broken, things I’ve done wrong, such guilty introspection
‘Don’t say anything wrong,’ I think, ‘Don’t do anything wrong. Don’t give him any legal ammunition.’
The pretty faces yawn – to them this is bush-league, this is exhibition

The officer approaches and stares DOWN at me, “license and registration”
Straight to it, eh cop? No anticipation?
I’d make a joke about ‘traffic stop foreplay’ but I don’t have that kind of gumption
When you’ve got that doe-eyed look and legs that go for days who need’s a woman’s intuition?

The officer asks some questions without the slightest hint of animation
I stutter and stumble with some mental constipation
My hopes of a warning go up in a bug conflagration
And you, you, you send the hint of a hint of a good vibration

Without any hesitation
(And it probably goes without saying, also without any affection)
Here comes my ticket and from me a silent nod without any argumentation
Meanwhile you allow yourself some self-congratulation

Ninety-nine percent of the time your doe-eyed look and legs that go for days are cause for adulation
But for that other time I insist on some new legislation
It’s not sublimation it’s shameless self-exploitation
And besides, it’s unfair and I don’t like it and you’re pretty and what are you up to later tonight because maybe we can discuss this over some candle-lit situation

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Du Jour of the Week

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