The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘book’

Quotes of the Day!

About a year ago when I was in Georgia and Florida to try and see a NASA launch (and another post here) I saw this book.

You’re a Horrible Person, But I Like You. How could I resist? The book is a series of oddball advice column type questions, with responses from various famous funny people. Here are a few selections which made me laugh (I won’t be providing context, but the context is often nonsensical anyway so it doesn’t matter).

The book definitely has some laughs, but it wasn’t as funny as I’d hoped.

***

As for putting dinner on the table – let’s not sugarcoat this. You’re going to be living on roadkill. My advice would be “Always remove the squirrel’s tail.” That’s a memory of cuteness you do not want to conjure up as you raise the stick toward your mouth.

The better question is, “What happens before you die?” That’s where we run into most of the problems.

What’s that old saying? “Advice is like opinions. Everyone’s an asshole.”

Embrace it. Get an ironic RACIST T-shirt.

Let me be clear up front. Your letter reminded me why I hate all sitcoms about groups of friends. Now back to you. I must admit you sound like a really great friend.

Category:

Quotes of the Day!

Tagged with:

4 Day Weekend – Ideal v Reality

Category:

Radio Star Killer

Tagged with:

Unintentional Pervert – Weekly Wacko (67)

Well friends, sometimes you come out a winner, sometimes you recommend a book with a masturbation scene to a random high school girl.

I was out and about tonight after work and I decided to swing by Borders. I enjoy checking out their books, so then I’ll have things to buy from Amazon or the Half-Price Book Store by me. Sorry Borders, your prices suck.

While walking around I noticed that a teenage couple had grabbed a Borders clerk for help. Then, four Borders clerks were there. They were talking, trying to figure out the problem. FOUR clerks! And none of them could solve this very simple problem. I had thought I had overheard it, and knew some books that counted, so I sauntered over (at that point I was not a pervert, but a smug nerd).

“What kind of book do you have to find?” I asked.
“Oh, a fiction book written by an American author in the last 30 years.”
“That’s the only requirement?”
“Yeah.”

(Seriously – four clerks didn’t know this. Are you kidding me?)

Boom! I’ve got it! A book I had just been looking at, because I’ve heard good things. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. I have not read this book but I have heard good things. Also, it looks like a short read and this girl wanted that. I picked the book up and handed it over.

Soon after I left I learned a little factoid, from Wikipedia: “The story explores topics such as introversion, teenage sexuality, homosexuality, abuse, and the awkward times of adolescence. The book also touches strongly on drug use and Charlie’s experiences with this.”

Specifically I learned about the masturbation scene from a friend who had read the book. Greeaaaat.

If the girl bought the book, and headed home and told her parents about the swell gentleman who helped her pick out a book for school … only to start reading it and think it’s some sort of weird, bookish, creepo pick-up move … I apologize. Sorry, chica.

I know those aren’t crazy topics, and any teen now would of course have seen it all already, but still … I feel like a creep.

In my defense I also recommended Steve Martin’s The Pleasure of My Company because I am a huge fan of that book.

Sincerely,
The bookish creep

Category:

Weekly Wacko

Tagged with: