depression | DumbFunnery

The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘depression’

My Zombie Roomy (11/17/11)

Well, Halloween has past.

Something happened on the Sunday before Halloween which I have been dealing with the past few weeks.

I tried dealing with it in a lot of ways. Acceptance, tribute, sadness, guilt. But ultimately denial and alcohol seemed to be most appropriate.

There was a girl I liked. She was very leggy. And very vavoom. How vavoom you ask? She went as Jessica Rabbit. THAT vavoom.

I was trying to charm her with my utter lack of charm (my non-game game as a friend put it), when suddenly she seemed distracted. Someone else in the bar had caught her eye. I knew I was cooked, and I’m a proud guy, so I politely ended our conversation.

Later that night, I saw her in the parking lot trying to flirt with the Zombie. I guess she goes more for the silent type (which I am most definitely not).

This is still a little harsh. It’s not easy to swallow being passed up for an undead cannibal. But hey, everybody finds somebody sometime, right Dino?

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Punny Bear and Rymm Shaut

Work has been stressing me out lately – I’ve been working on this particular problem for a while and just can’t seem to get it solved. Trying very hard all day to solve a coding problem leads to very weird thoughts – like this short short story.

Punny Bear and Rymm Shaut

In 1931 the Ringling Brothers Circus was having a bad year. Everyone was having a bad year, but the Ringling Brothers did something nobody else thought to do – hire a bunch of alcoholic scientists to solve the problem.
The scientists were sent to a cabin and given three key items:
Paper.
Pens.
Booze. Lots of booze.

A year later the Ringling Brothers’ introduced Punny Bear. The world’s only talking bear.
Oh yeah, and when he does talk, it’s a pun.

An audience member would be invited from the crowd to come talk to Punny Bear. The master of ceremonies would have the audience member tell about some of their woes. The M.C. promised the bear wouldn’t attack, and would actually help.
The audience member would pore out their soul to Punny Bear. The bear would then stand up, look slowly around the crowd and say,
“I can’t bearrrrrrr it.”
The crowd ate it up. Old ladies cried, children giggled, middle-aged men smiled knowingly. This doesn’t make sense, but it happened.

After a few years the crowd got bored with the one-liner bear. They needed more. The alcoholic scientists had, on their own time, trained a monkey to do a rim shot. They reluctantly sold the monkey to the Ringling Brothers, who then claimed the monkey was Swedish and named ‘Rymm Shaut.’

A few years after that, Rymm Shaut and Punny Bear were missing.

It is believed they fell in love, got married, had plastic surgery, and now can be seen every week night as the bitter old married couple known to most as David Letterman and Paul Shaffer.