The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dragon’

De Jour of the Week (12/20/10)

It’s Christmas. I’m allowed to be sappy. I couldn’t think of a name for this so I decided the mocking myself title. Thanks also to Hendrik who has called me that.

Oh You Old Sentimental So-and-So

Summer’s smiling her sweet sunshine down on me,
And she,
And he,
Now we’ve got ourselves a merry little gang called we

We’re going outside now because it smells so fresh the day must’ve just come out of the bakers
And I’d ask if there were any takers
But on a day like this when a gang of we forms we already know everywhere the world is made up of all-the-sudden movers and shakers

Grab your shoes and take them off
Grab your cares and throw them off
(And if someone dares mention responsibility just scoff)

Suddenly we find ourselves in a game of I-forgot-the-name
The fun thing about playing some game with no name is it’s the same as any other no-name game
The rules are voluntary
But if you like order and rules and find voluntary rules scary
Then fine, the rules are in-voluntary
Just don’t bother explaining them because we don’t want to tarry

Lazy smiles
On tiny faces somehow go for miles

Laughter competes with birds’ chirps competes with the leaves
In the breeze
For your ear buds attention
And did I forget to mention?
There’s some princess needs rescuing, and dragon needs slaying, and magic spell practicing to be done with the gang of we’s imagination

A moment hits and the day freezes
And if it so pleases,
I’ll repeat the thought that just ran through your smart, smiling, sun-freckled mind
Across this park right now a prince was just knighted, a touchdown scored, the laws of physics ignored as you blast off into outer space – and all things of this kind
You take it all in
Knowing there’s no place you’d rather be than this particular when

And he,
And she,
And me,
(Remember our little gang of we?)
Couldn’t be more happy

Imaginary Business Chat

(I would recommend reading this while listening to: http://www.forestmood.com/… I listened to that when I wrote this. The site is awesome!)

Sometimes it’s fun to watch two businessmen talk. You could be enjoying a nice lunch by yourself, or be at an airport, or if you’re a corporate slacker – at work.
Here’s what I like to pretend the conversations are like.

Guy 1: Jerry, Jerry is that you?
(Apparently) Jerry: Oh, Bob! Bob, how are ya!?
Bob: Oh great Jerry, just great!
Jerry: How are the wife and kids, Bob?
Bob: Oh, not too good.
Jerry: No! What happened?!
Bob: Eaten by a dragon. The lot of them. Wife and the two kids.
Jerry: No!
Bob: Yep.
Jerry: Isn’t life just the toughest sometimes?
Bob: Oh yeah, real tough. And you know the damnedest thing of it is? It was a vegetarian dragon.
Jerry: NO!
Bob: Yep. A vegetarian dragon up and ate the wife and kids.
Jerry: Well. I never.
Bob: Apparently thought they were carrots or something, I’m not sure – I don’t speak dragon. I’m not on Wall Street.
Jerry: Oh ho ho ho! Ha ha!
Bob: Ha ha! Yes. It feels good to laugh again.
Jerry: Sure does, Bob, sure does.
Bob: Say, how’s your dear wife Helen doing?
Jerry: Ohhh, well, that’s a whole big story.
Bob: Oh you’ve got to tell it now Jerry!
Jerry: Ok I’ll give you the short version, and then you can tell me if you want the long version.
Bob: I’m all ears!
Jerry: She started in on worshiping the devil, and sold our son’s soul for a riding lawn mower.
Bob: NO!
Jerry: Yeah. And it’s a stick-shift mower!
Bob: NO!
Jerry: Who the hell drives stick on a mower? You’ve got bits of twig flying up at your face, the tree roots to look out for – you can’t be shifting gears left and right!
Bob: That damn devil!
Jerry: Yep, yep. So you want the long version?
Bob: Don’t bother, Jerry, if you’ve heard it once you’ve heard it a thousand times.
Bob: Tell me about it.
Jerry: Is that Susan over there?
Bob: I think it is.
Jerry: I heard she takes seventy minute lunches …
Bob: Now that is just disgusting. I’ve seen some things in my life but I just can’t tolerate that.
Jerry: I don’t know how she lives with herself day to day.
Bob: Despicable.
Jerry: Agreed.

Animal Facts! (Black Bear, Squirrel, Dragon, Giraffe)

Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!

Black Bear

Ft. Worth Zoo 108Claim to be the first to wear baseball hats backwards.

Confused loneliness with horny-ness once, but thankfully used protection. Vowed to never let it happen again.

Probably the most sports trivia knowledge, ever. It’s mind-blowing.

Came up with the cheer “strawberry shortcake, banana split! All you guys are playing like sh…!” At ‘sh..!’ looks around mock-bashfully.

Once had a delay in O’Hare airport in Chicago that lasted 22 hours.

SquirrelApril 2007 249Had a huge crush on Charles’ friend Buddy from ‘Charles in Charge.’

Look cute in a fedora.

Aren’t sure if you’re kidding when you’re being sarcastic.

Taller than you’d think.

Great rack.

Dragon

dragonYou won’t believe their stories – but, honest, they’re true.

Guilty pleasure of quoting Disney meetings during work conferences – but doing so on the sly.

Doesn’t watch baseball until the World Series.

Went to a nudist beach and giggled the WHOLE time.

Wikka-wikka-wikka-whaaaa?

Giraffegiraffe

When they go on trips they’re the ones that end up paying five dollars for a toothbrush at the hotel gift shop.

When they’ve been drinking they’ll admit it – they had four years of lessons on the accordion.

Think it’s funny to do an impression of Fred Flinstone, but instead say “yabba dabba don’t!”

Did just go there.

Don’t own any loafers, but are always on the look out for a good pair at a great price.