The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

If I Started a Think Tank, Part 2

If you recall (if not here it is), I posted a poll before to come up with the name of the imaginary think tank I would start. The masses responded in force (total votes: 9) and there was a tie between:

  • *Beep, Beep, Beep* – Hey, what’s that sound? Oh, nothing, just that THINK TANK backing up its ideas with SCIENCE and FACTS and such
  • Brain Shells (you know, the weapon of choice of a think tank)

Feel free to comment and force the tie one way or another … or I’ll be forced to use independent thought which is just rude of you, dear reader.

Moving on to today’s topic of interest …

Who will be a part of this Think Tank?

I haven’t extended the invitations just yet, but here is my first cut at the team.

  • The ghost of Albert Einstein, via Mellena Sellena, “Your Guide to the Stars and Life Hereafter”
    (I haven’t met this lady, but I’ve driven by her shop/home a few times and it’s thirty dollars to talk to one dead person, forty-five for two. Soooo …)
  • The ghost of Christmas Future, via Mellena Sellena, “Your Guide to the Stars and Life Hereafter”
    (This one could be a challenge for Mel Sel, I’m assuming she’ll be cool with me calling her that … if not it may not work out. I don’t know if she can contact fictional ghosts, but since I don’t really think people can contact ghosts anyway I figure why not get my money’s worth and make her really use her imagination and creativity.)
  • Lindsay Lohan
    (She will be working the ‘what not to do’ department.)
  • This guy Ed I used to work with, he’s super smart
    (Not only is he super smart but he has an awesome beard.)
  • Yours truly, DumbFunnery!
    (Can you imagine how many hipster chicas I can talk to when I say I’m on a Think Tank?! Why, hello, slightly less empty social calendar!)

What do you think of the team so far? Any suggestions? Would you like to be a part of the team?

An Ode to Bad Jokes

Yes, there it is … my old inviting friend
This conversational lull may be the end
Because, after my joke (which may offend)
The conversation may well be deadened

The attention is mine!
The story, the delivery, is fine …
And then! And then … the um, oh shoot, uh … what’s the punchline?
I’ll stutter gibberish while I hope to divine …

Um, well, it’s funny … I’m pretty sure
I can’t remember that one but I have more!
Do I know a word stronger than ‘abhor’?
Well, that’s just uncalled for

But, it’s genetic you see
Get me around my family and it’s painfully,
Oh, so, SO painfully,
Clear to (escaping) you and me

There’s no other sound
To which I am bound
Like the lovely sound
My jokes bring around

“……..Ugh.”
Meanwhile, my grinning mug,
(You’d think I’d feel like a lug
But bad humor and I are quite snug)
So, we shrug,
And at this joke continue to plug

Yes, my humor may bring a groan
But your little grin while you bemoan
Is to all so clearly shown
So these bad jokes, you condone

An Ode to New Year’s Resolutions

It’s nice to look to New Year’s Resolutions
As providing “I’ll get to it tomorrow” solutions
But look fast, my friend,
Last year is at an end
That means your resolutions start now
Give them a shot before you disavow

This year – an early bedtime every night!
You’ll be alert and awake and oh-so-bright!
But … that one show’s on late tonight …
And coffee can keep work all right

Ok, well, there’s working out every day!
Co-workers will see me and not know what to say
I’ll need protein with my work-outs, in the form of fillet
But, to properly prepare a fillet
You really need all day
So in my kitchen preparing, and snacking, I will stay!
Besides, working out resolutions are so passé

Eating better, though, that I … I …
Well, I mean, I can try …
(I’m saying that with a sigh
As I kiss Oreos, Doughnuts, and happiness goodbye)

RESOLUTIONS UPDATED!
Life’s too short to be un-sated
Be nice to people, animals, and the planet
As for the rest, roll with it