The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

An Ode to the Non-Review

I posted a challenge here which Dear Mr. Hendrik won hands down. And not just because he was the only person who responded (although that didn’t hurt his odds).

Here’s the challenge:

“My challenge to you, dear reader(s) – come up with an innuendo phrase that involves socioeconomic. The winner of the challenge will get a very crappy poem written to/about/for them. The poem will probably not make sense, but it will rhyme.”

So without further ado!,

An Ode to the Non-Review

Don’t fall for the trick
Of Mr. T.S. Hendrik
And foolishly misconstrue
The “Non”-Review

If I want my dose snark
With a side of review
Or a cat with a caustic remark
I turn to the “Non”-Review

There’s nothing non about his reviews
He’s looking up movies you haven’t seen while you snooze

But what IS The Non-Review?
(If you don’t already) It’s time you knew:

It’s the land of the 7 Word Weekend Skewer
The land of Pete, the large-toothed ne’er doer
The land of the numerically-oriented (Just the facts, ma’am) reviewer
And, lest we should forget, Wilfred Brimley’s never been bluer …

So congratulations to T.S.
Who keeps his fans coming back saying “yes”
Here’s to more Non-Reviews
Something-something, rhyme-aroos

I felt the need for gibberish to end, because I promised that it would rhyme, not that it would make sense.

Want a crappy poem written about you or your blog, or your imaginary cat? Let me know … I may get around to it, if you’re cool enough.

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Du Jour of the Week

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Crappy College Poetry – “Reaction”

In college I wrote a number of poems that were dumb funny (hey, I’m consistent in my approach). With a few I actually tried to be sweet, like to woo my then-girlfriend. I know I’m not a good poet, but I enjoy writing these little things. And I found this self-hating one funny. This one is called “Reaction” and it was a poem about my then-girlfriends reaction to all the bad poetry coming her way.

If I had to guess, this poem was probably written to get her to say she did like my poetry.

Reaction

I’m sick, sick, sick of your “poetry”

Great. Another five year old’s rhyme, written for me.

*

Why do boyfriends think they’re unique?

Bad poems by a math guy? You made my week.

*

Do me a favor, please, take your time.

It’s not necessarily good if you make it rhyme.

*

Haven’t you noticed the hints when you read to me?

Big yawns, my staring at the clock, longingly!?

*

It’s not just boredom, it’s even my health

My eyes have rolled so much I’m stuck looking at myself.

*

The first time it was sweet

But now, my dear, notice my exit on fleet feet.

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Du Jour of the Week

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Life

Day after day
Decision after countless decision
You live your life
Millions of quick yes’s or no’s
Do this, do that
Most of them are easy
Done without conscious thought
Some are made without you
Made for you
Some are Difficult
Involving thinking,
A choice between two pools
Of muddy water
Some you don’t want to make
And then
And then there’s the impossible decision
Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bells

***

I wrote this while eating at a combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell, and then read it to my friend. After I finished she shook her head and said, “I thought you were actually trying to write a good poem.” I laughed and said, “NOPE!”

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Du Jour of the Week

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