The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

Doctor’s Last Day

Nurse: Doctor! He’s waking up from his coma!
Patient: …Huh? Wha?
Doctor: Young man, welcome back.
Patient: Uh … What?
Doctor: You were in a coma. For two. Hundred. Years.
Patient: WHAT!?
Doctor: Nah, just kidding, like 3 weeks.

 

As we all know, the Hippocratic oath is designed to keep doctors from being a-holes, and instead having them focus on helping us. Also their medical training is part of that purpose too. But don’t you think, on their last day of work, all doctors would like to have a little fun?

 

Doctor: Now, what brings you here today Miss Johnson?
Patient: It hurts right here. Like when I push.
Doctor: Ok, let me see. Does this hurt?
Patient: No.
Doctor: This?
Patient: No.
Doctor: This? Oh … wait, hmmm.
Patient: What?
Doctor: This is … interesting. Have you ever had a kidney stone?
Patient: No? I don’t think so?
Doctor: This is … incredible. You have had so many kidney stones that … It feels … Yes, it feels as though they’ve grown together into one giant thing, essentially giving you another bone.
Patient: … THAT CAN HAPPEN?
Doctor: Eh, probably not. You’ve just got rock hard abs, buddy.

 

Of the countless well-regarded doctors who read my blog for information both professional and personal, do you have any stories that are just like this? Please leave them in the comments!

 

Doctor: How are you enjoying those pancakes?
Patient: … Uh … You mean … This soup?
Doctor: … Nurse?
Nurse: Yes doctor?
Doctor: (Whispers)
Patient: … What’s going on? This … is … soup.
Doctor: (Heavy sigh.)

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Mid-Term Election Advice

I don’t know what things are like in your neck of the woods, but here in Texas a LOT of the candidates are really much more feng shui conscious than you’d think by looking at them. I swear, for every three ads on TV, two of those folks are concerned about borders.

Look, I live in an apartment, I’m not going to hang drapes, ok? You can rant and rave about borders all you want but I for one think my windows need no treatment.

Now, these Mexicans?

 

Joking aside, my sincere input: Educate yourself, vote, and be angry at politicians. Because half-truths shouldn’t be so acceptable.

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24/7 Beyoncé

I don’t normally post actual news on my site but sometimes a true story is just too good to pass up.

This story is actually sad for a number of people, but overall I find it funny. Hopefully the people who were laid off have found or will find new jobs and they can have a good old fashioned bitter laugh about the whole thing.

In Houston the radio station 92.1 became News 92.1 FM. The station started in November 2011, a 24/7 news station (according to this article). I liked to listen to them occasionally, but generally I go for music (on long drives) or sports talk radio (what can I say, I’m an ignorant schlub).

This month, the radio station sited bad ratings and laid off all of the employees. Taking its place … a 24/7 Beyoncé station. (My goodness, my computer recognized that Beyoncé was not a word and had the red underline … so I clicked on it and it knew Beyoncé should have the accent. But it doesn’t know the word schlub. What is this?)

I had to tune in and … yep … It was a Beyoncé song.

Several days later I was in my friend’s car and I told them about the 24/7 Beyoncé station. They turned it over and … we didn’t recognize the song. The next song comes on and its definitely not Beyoncé. What what what!

Apparently Beyoncé has a grand total of about 8 hours of music recorded (according to this article). That meant Beyoncé’s music career 3 times a day, every day, all day, always and forever … For a couple days. Now the station is “classic hip-hop” … Which is that thing where Beethoven rapped for 8 hours one time.

 

This is Beyoncé’s ‘You did what with that radio station?’ pose.

 

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