The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

Jokes from Doug

A while back my girlfriend and I ate at a small, simple restaurant. The place didn’t seem like it was going to be much – but it was the exact kind of restaurant you’d see in a movie set in a small town. The people who worked there were all nice, the food was amazing, and there was an old man with a guitar who played there on Friday nights for everyone’s amusement.

The man’s name was Doug. He sang songs like Mr. Bojangles. He seemed like an old west/Texas traveling musician who (based on his playing there) had never hit it big but still loved the life of music. I lack the words to describe him, but he seemed like he belonged in a painting rather than real life.

As if the sight of him and his musical talents weren’t enough, he told dorky little jokes between songs. Of course he did. To illustrate the small town movie feeling, this was an exchange he had with a waitress:

“(To waitress) Hey Emily, Where’s Scott?”
“He fell in love with a girl and moved to Austin.”

Now for the rest of Doug’s lovely jokes.

Got a quick costume change … (Switches guitars)

This next song was requested. Not tonight, or last night, but about 5 months ago when I was in Oklahoma.

I went to a workshop on how to write songs. The first thing they told you was the song had to be about something. (Sort of scoffs.) so this next song is about 3 minutes.

They like me playing here because I don’t take breaks. I fidget too much when I take a break and I want to smoke. I gave up smoking … About 7 years ago now. It was March of 2006. I gave up smoking and yodeling for Lent … I haven’t been able to stay away from yodeling. (He yodelled in that song and it was very good.)

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

First Openly Gay NFL Player

Recently a soon (probably) to be drafted football player announced that he is gay. This is newsworthy because he is the first openly gay man to be a likely NFL player.

People on all of the important channels and radio stations have been debating: will the gay community accept him?

Here’s this guy who has been hiding amongst the wolves (football players), the very group most likely to have caused such grief for so many openly or perceived gay middle and high school kids … And now he says, “I’m gay” and he just expects the gay community to welcome him with open arms?

I don’t think so.

Can you imagine him meeting a fellow gay person? “Oh, you play in the NFL? I admire their open-minded policies on … breast cancer awareness and Viagra.”

Edit: I’ve just been informed that this guy has been in the news NOT because of the question of how the gay community will accept him, but because apparently some big wig NFL people and NFL players think he might be a distraction. Some of the players are afraid the gay guy won’t be able to keep his hands off them. That’d be hysterical if it wasn’t so unfortunate.

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

Holy Crap It’s Valentine’s!

Today, if you are somehow still unaware, is Valentine’s Day. Today is a day that is dedicated to showing your affections to someone. This is a great concept – “hey, remember your significant other? In case you had forgotten this day is a slap in the face to remind you of why that person is your significant other!”

Unfortunately, the day has become associated with proving your affections rather than showing them. And you can’t have proof without hard evidence in the form of stuff that costs money. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone, but as a guy this is the fear. You had better have planned some kind of magical night that shows just how much you care, or you will be compared to the idealized version of what romance is on Valentine’s Day, and you will be seen as lesser. So step it up, hot shot.

But wait. What if today was Valentine’s Day in a romantic comedy? (A stereotypically adored thing by these feared female significant others.)

 ***

Here’s what you do: Tell your date to get dressed up and you do the same. Bring her some flowers, a card, and head to a beautiful, out of your budget, fancy place for dinner. Tell the host or hostess (maître d’ if you’re real fancy) your name and that you are a party of two. At that moment you will hear those dreaded words, “I’m sorry … Your name is not on the list …”

What!? But you made the reservation like a MONTH ago!

You go back and forth but eventually leave, dejected. Your significant other is telling you that guy was a jerk, and that maybe you guys could just go home and make dinner together, that’d be sweet? And you say “NO! If you … If you don’t mind some subpar foods I’ve got an idea …”

You drive her home, tell her to change into something comfortable (not “something … comfortable“) and say you’ll be back. In reality though, you never had reservations, but you do have a simple picnic lunch in your trunk. Some turkey sandwiches, cut up fruit, and a little dessert. You wait around a bit then drive to a nearby park. It’s romantic and cheap. You win!

(In the romantic comedy the guy probably WOULD have had reservations, and the last minute fix picnic meal would truly have been a last minute fix … But hey, different route, same conclusion, so it’s all good right?)

OR.

Just buy or make something that shows how much you care and it is something she would adore because it’s some quirky thing that only she would enjoy and that shows that you know her really well. Something like that.

Best of luck, folks.

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with: