The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Baseball Walk Out Songs

Normal Walk Out Song

Fairly High Pressure Situation (let’s say 2 outs, runner in scoring position)

HIGH PRESSURE – Bottom of the 9th, 2 outs, down by 1 run!

If the Pitcher or Opposing Coach is Named Dave

I would be such a great baseball player for the fans, but AWFUL for the team.

Three Wishes

Ok, ok, let me think. I wish I knew what to wish for.

Ok genie, I didn’t like that. Who are YOU to tell ME what to do about being careful with how I phrase things!? I’m pretty sure YOU aren’t the one with the power to command me what to do. So take a seat genie, because honestly, I just wish you’d shut up.

Oh great, now you’re making some dumb face at me genie? Really? You’re going to just sit there, making dumb faces after telling me what to do? You’re worse than … No, no, there’s only one person worse than you. My step mom’s hairdresser. Yeah, you wouldn’t think I know this person so well that I can promise without a doubt that she is the most annoying person on Earth but I have spent that much time with her … and she is … I just wish she was here right now so you could meet her.

…Well, shoot.

Attn: Ellen (5/14/14)

Front

Ellen170a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen170b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

A rattling noise as a warning of danger is to babies what an animal advertising a cheap and delicious buffet is to adults. Why so cruel, nature?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?