The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Dinner With Strangers

Tonight my wife and I are heading out to dinner with a group of strangers. This group of strangers was found using Meetup.com. We knew (and a friend giving advice also emphasized this) that it would be important for us to get out there and try to be social right away … or we could easily fall into the trap of just hanging out with each other.
So! What will tonight bring? I can tell you what it won’t bring: privacy.
We recently watched an episode of the Morgan Spurlock show Inside Man (he’s the dude that did Super Size Me). The episode was about just how much of your information is out there, available for consumption by parties you would never know about or assume had your information (and they’re selling it for a profit to boot).
Motivated by this somewhat shocking but then again not-shocking-at-all episode, I decided to do some intense online research on our future dinner guests.
Here are some topics that might come up at dinner:
  • Tom, why do you like to google shoes so much? I noticed that you have only bought 2 pairs in the past year but you google specific women’s shoes on average seven times a day.
  • Barb, did the cops end up figuring out it was you that bumped into the car in the mall parking lot?
  • Lisa, I notice you’re drinking wine. Is it one that pairs well with your surprisingly weird obsession with Alf?
  • Joseph, you were adorable as a baby. I used Zazzle to make a photo album of you growing up, would you like a copy?
Wish us luck at dinner!!

Apartment Lease Renewal Time

Here at the Gradford Luxury Apartments we love our residents! We know it’s your choice to life here, and as your lease comes to an end we want to make sure you know we want you to stay and continue to be a part of this community.

That’s why we are beginning our “Catch and Re-Lease” program! It’ll include games, social activities, and prizes! All in an effort to make sure you know this isn’t just an apartment complex, it’s your home.

So if you see us approaching you with our rod out – don’t be surprised!

Sincerely,
Soon to be apologizing management

Attn: Ellen (1/20/16)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

My wife and I have lived in Colorado a few weeks now and I have learned the difference between me looking normal vs. me looking like I am dying from the inside out is forgetting to put lotion on just one day before leaving for work.

I think Colorado’s atmosphere might be sponsored by the lotion industry.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?