Front
Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
While some may see this as kitschy romance, I choose to see it as a threat.
‘My dearest,
You neglected to tell me your parents would be visiting while you are on business travel. Hmm.
Love stinks,
The spouse’
Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
Every year as far back as I can remember my family has decorated sugar cookies during Christmas. It’s a great tradition. Largely because the cookies are delicious, and then they’re coated in frosting (mix powdered sugar and milk until desired consistency achieved, add color) … It’s so simple, and amazing.
One of the “rules” with the cookies is that if you break one while decorating it, it’s just no good to have on display so you have to go ahead and eat it. Oh so many fumbling fingers come Christmas time just can’t help but break a tree-shaped cookie in two.
Here are a few samples from this year’s decorating.
Hello, Fortune and Fame. That’s right, folks, I’ve found the ticket to fortune and fame. My writing will find its way to the light of day because everyone won’t be able to get enough of one of the many singers in ‘Johnny and the Racist Undetones’ – the nation’s hottest band.
Over Christmas I got together with a few cousins to go to a bar for trivia night. A few brains in the group were missing, but we still managed to tie for last! (Due to the brilliant thinking of my cousin Lockout, who suggested that we not bet all but one of our points on the last round … we bet all but TWO … then everyone gets the final question wrong and we’re sitting pretty with two points and first place, while all those other dopes are tied for last place with one point! Unfortunately another team had the same idea, and everyone else actually answered the final round correctly. Hence, tied for last place with a grand total of two points.)
Anywho …
The cousins who WERE there stumbled on the next big band. That’s right, you’ve already heard of us, Johnny and the Racist Undertones.
You see, we would drink a little bit, then take a long, hard look (about a minute) at the lyrics of a popular song … and then cover this song.
Opening verse? Solid.
Chorus? Belting it out!
Second verse on out … A mix of the actual words plus some improvised mumbling/rhyming words/gibberish.
Unfortunately, none of us are really experts at musical instruments, so we’ll have a whole lot of vocalists. Also, as far as I know, none of us are really all that stellar when it comes to singing.
Lockout’s second brilliant idea was to supply the racist undertones. During songs, he would “sing backup.” His backup would take the form of whispering racist things.
Who could resist the charm of Johnny and the Racist Undertones? I’ll tell you who – no one.
DumbFunnery 